life

Wednesday, 5 August 2015
| 05:16 | 1 Comment

Pride

This extract from my college time blog collection was an upshot of new dissenting thoughts that received much self-appreciation from inner self. Unfortunately, I found trouble in concluding due to its uncertainness nature of unending doubts generation. After past few years of absurd self-analysis, universal power brought me the answers for my queries on the miraculously confusing topic ‘Pride.’  

(What does Pride refers to actually?
Pride is a rich feeling of confidence someone poses when they feel themselves securely surefooted. In other words it is a feeling sprang up from an over confident mind.
Then why bible refers pride as basic sin that can redirect into major sins??
We engineers or engineering students are strictly instructed to poses high level of confidence while attending an interview or while working on a project. There are hundreds of books written about the importance of working with confidence. There are great authors, experts who deliver their experience and motivate us to improve our level of confidence. If confidence induce pride then how it ameliorate my state of being. Then what could be the intentions behind instructing us to practise something that can be a cause for basic sin. Confidence does create pride. )

It was confusing why sister Placid taught pride as first sin. She was making us prepare for our Holy Communion ceremony. Among those kids, I was been the active. Sisters of our convent possessed a greater affection towards me and my cousin Amal just because, late sister Anansiamma( their superior sister) were our grand aunt. So because we got a better position amongst kids, we utilized that opportunity to ask doubts and questions from everything taught. From those days, like the bouncing ball, my doubts never came to an end, they started bouncing repeatedly on its answers. I wanted to find the final solution for each and every doubt budded inside. That character as a habit, grew up gradually.

     Throughout the times of studies, my behaviour of unending doubts gained me too much of attention in fixing me a heroic image among friends. I started enjoying its taste as my character added spectacular diversions to it. Sometimes these doubts gave me enough problems and made me the disturbing piece among the whole. Even after class sessions, apart from disturbing teachers these doubts subsequently initiated in disturbing my inner self vigorously. These made me understand about the importance of self-sufficiency that initiated me in finding answers. Within short time I found myself becoming a hero with variety of concepts and creative thinking threads. With the blessing of almighty god, everything resulted at success. When everything appeared favourable, without my personal sense of realisation, negative energy started immersing its deep roots in me. Likewise sister Placid taught ' dirty hands of Satan with his malignant hands in dark shade programmed for mortifying good' caught me. Without my conscious awareness, pride filled my inner cup with arrogance. When pride started outgrowth, my belief in god automatically vacillated.

My savvy mind started thinking ' How can we include pride among the sins '. A confidential person will have pride for sure. My personal explanation was that, ‘pride should be considered as the magnified form of confidence. A successful person with talented brain will surely get praised for his achievements. And when the surroundings praise him for what he is, natural production of pride starts flowing. It’s a matter of his excellence and confidence. 

I tried to implement this theory with my inner self and fixed fight for so long. Long nights I repeatedly tried to prove it. Inner fight became tight and finally I ended up shrieking because it was really disturbing me even throughout sleeping. Those days made me write the above paragraph without completing my doubts. Finally I said. "Okay! Let's end this. It’s paining and is nixing me from sleep ". 

Then everything went down quiet. But I started tasting the trauma of failure. Everything went wrong and that nosedive persecuted. Everything I believed I can, changed itself into nugatory attempts. I found difficulty in working with every smaller plans I wanted to. It was late when I realized that the problems approached were practical explanations intentionally intended to clear my doubts. Every single thing believed to be won ended up in failure. Consequently these failures fixed me with daily boozing and anarchical smoking for staying positive. Accompanying the addictive habits laziness inhabited me abscising everything I have to make me the usual one. I remember the days I practiced martial arts watching movies, and my confidence grew up into such a level that I felt it able to lift some object without touching it. 
Such kind of a confident person switched into foolish, lazy loser. Realization struck after analysing past incidents that made me down. That scourge I got from the true god trounce me down towards ground acknowledging myself as his damn simple creature. 


                                      I don't know why pride is considered as a sin, but I do understood one thing. 'IF YOU HAVE IT, IT WILL DESTROY YOU'.

Monday, 8 December 2014
| 02:21 | 1 Comment

Mahaprasthanika Parva

It was after a long interval we set out for a tea. For us the usage 'leaving out for a tea' provides some sought of adventure, trip or sometimes crazy tasks for fun. We found immense pleasure in sipping tea after some extravagant actions which allowed ourselves tired. This time we were just thinking of walking our bus route to town. We contrived for sleeping earlier so that we can start walking early morning. But the usual problem of sleeplessness doesn't allowed us to sleep early. And some of my friends fall asleep while trying to stay awake till morning. However it was a really disturbing task to make them awake when the alarm disturbed us at 4:00 am. We irritated them making them awake and setting everything ready to go.

The village was still sleeping silently under the warm blanket. The cool breeze that gently blushed where more than enough for getting us come out from the warm sleepy tiredness. The start was set to begin from our usual bakery a kilometer away from residence. The strong tea was hot enough to raise the interest of our exploration capability. We the group of five, for a morning walk covering approximately 14 km, with 16 bus stops (checkpoints), was the task. 

After finishing the tea with lots of fun and blaming each other for our crazy plan we get down to road. We started walking from the first checkpoint targeting the climax. After 100 meters of walk we noticed a small dog following us from the beginning of our journey. It was too small so we feared whether the dog will met with an accident.

The walk was slow and simple while finishing the first two checkpoints and it was easier than expected. Remembering the long fourteen checkpoints ahead, we wanted to make the journey even more interesting. So we started singing songs from the evergreen hits to new trendy classics. At the time we reached the fifth checkpoint one of my friend stopped. We understood something is wrong with him and asked him about it. He replied "I think I can't walk further more! Need to find a closet; its paining inside. "We burst to laugh and put him in ill humour with this retort.

The morning breeze and the hot tea combined for a major cause. We called one of our sleeping friend to pick him up in a bike towards the closet. After little hesitation, disturbed from sleep, he came within minutes and took him back to room which later provided him enough relaxation. We started again with the group of four and the little dog following us.

Sun started its walk from east to west leaving his bright waves of light to earth. These waves of light penetrated through the green leaves. Meanwhile we reached the eighth checkpoint. There arose the need for an energy boosting tea. So we found a near by bakery where we can rest our back for relief. We were talking about the next half plan. It will be harder covering the next half because half among us are already tired. There will be more heat and dust with heavier sun rays hitting eyes. One among us is concerned about his costume of small trousers and less washed cloths. And we finished the tea within time and started to continue the mission. But unexpectedly one among us seemed to be sleeping in his folded hands at the table. We made him awake. But he said he cant continue walking in that present stage. Finally after lot of motivation failure, we found a solution. We left him in the near by room which was owned by one of our senior brother, staying there and working nearby. After settling him to sleep we continued our journey of craziness with the group of three and the little dog.

It was a refreshed morning with people opening shops with the song " Kowsalya suprada rama poorva sandhya....." Workers started their hard works early morning, dreaming a bright future ahead. I felt it like my back bone is getting  afflicted slowly. Town busses started their rounds throughout the city rushing to finish the routes within time. The fruits and vegetables displayed at the opening stores presented a conspicuous view of freshness. We started again with the target of reaching the town. While singing songs and walking in some speed, people around would have thought about some insane characters. While reaching the 12 th checkpoint a pedestrian with neat professional uniform broke slippers of the one who is walking behind me. He left leaving a sorry just as like the formality demands. We walked till the 12th checkpoint and he was saying he won't continue without chappals. Finally showing hands of help for a lift before the coming bikes fruited. He faded away towards the footsteps we left behind sitting in the back seat. This disturbed the one with me totally. He started saying " look! It is better to go back. Everyone escaped and they betrayed us. Let's get a bus ! " I walked straight acting like you cant make me return.

It was more prettier the day with school busses and roadside filled with cluster of beautiful students grouped everywhere. Too much of vehicles started rushing to colleges and industries for the morning shift. We, with one of my friend and the small dog we walked in some force and speed, to reach the town as soon as possible. My friend felt it shy to walk wearing mini trousers and dried dusty T-shirt. So he keep repeating about returning before entering the town. And I replied nothing back but was walking straight and quiet. When the 14th checkpoint came, accidentally there came a town bus at the bus stop. He angrily run on to the bus and left with it and that felt like the reply for my silence. I walked alone with the little dog behind me. The dust and smoke were becoming more and more while reaching every step forward. With little pain in the foot and a bit more in the back I reached the town bus stand. The final destination gave me some immense pleasure and a beautiful smile in my cheek. With the happiness of finishing the task I ordered for a tea and was thinking about the trip. I saw the small innocent dog which followed me all way. I get some biscuits for him. While serving my beautiful companion with biscuits I found similarities of our journey with the mythical story 'Mahaprasthanika Parva'.

Mahaprasthanika Parva ( Sanskrit : महाप्रस्थानिक पर्व), or the "Book of the Great Journey", is the seventeenth of eighteen books of the Indian Epic Mahabharata . It has 3 chapters. It is the shortest book in the Epic.

Mahaprasthanika Parva recites the journey of the Pandavas across India and finally their ascent towards Himalayas, as they climb their way to heaven on Mount Meru . As they leave their kingdom, a dog befriends them and joins their long journey.

Pandavas starts their journey. Sahadeva dies on the way. Yudhisthira explains Sahadeva like his other brothers was virtuous in every respect, except he suffered from the vice of pride and vanity , thought none was equal to him in wisdom. The brothers continue on taheir way to Mount Meru. Nakula dies next. Yudhisthira explains that Nakula also suffered from the vice of pride and vanity, thinking he was the most handsome person in the world. Arjuna is the next person to die without completing the journey.

Yudhisthira explains to Bhima, Arjuna too suffered from the vice of pride and vanity, thinking he was the most skilled, most powerful warrior in the world. Yudhisthira, Bhima and the dog continue forward.

Bhima tires and falls down. He asks his elder brother why he, Bhima, is unable to complete the journey to heaven. Yudhisthira explains his brother's vice of gluttony , who used to eat too much without thinking about the hunger of others. Finally Yudhisthira reaches heaven and the dog will take back its original form of a devan.

Remembering the story and experiencing it was really peace providing. I looked up into the rushing city where hundreds running for making a living. I took the small dog in hands and find a side seat. While sitting in the seat, watching the busy world ahead, a strong wave of happiness was been continuously rushing inside.

Sometimes you may think what is so special about walking this 14 kilometers . Its significance lies in, where a group of lazy people exists and a foolish generation only born to sit and chat at the virtual world.