college life

Friday, 30 January 2015
| 10:42 | No Comments

Money money



The morning woke me up with disturbing knocks at the door. I removed the blanket from my face to see whether any of my roommates is awake to open the door for that disturbing guest. Everyone is sleeping or else they are pretending like the dead ones. I woke up disturbed, and opened the door. In front of the door, our house owner seemed to be like the frightening 'poothana'( mythical character from Hindu purana ) with her flawing hair and shouting tounge.

'' Why are you guys so irresponsible! Why can't you understand ?'' She looked irritated. '' I have told you many times not to forget closing gates before you sleep! How can you do this to me.
You never paid me the rent in time and this month it is lagging. And you ever never showed a sign of apology ... Blah... blah..."

After fifteen minutes of continuous lecturing with sparks and blasts it ended quiet. Her jaws will be paining now. After finishing that massive performance she left with satisfaction.
We got it usual with this ritual every morning, with her complaints and soft abuses spreading like the morning alarm makes us energetic whole day. After her return I closed the door and made a glance at the giggling faces budded in the bed-blanket gap.

"How was today's breakfast?? " One spoke while getting up from bed.

"Not bad. But nothing bigger than what you got yesterday"

Within time we all got ready for the college and left. Again the lecturing hours started boringly at our colourful classroom. After the attendance section we were planning for our sleeping section to start. Going with the flow. Before the plan to get implemented, there came the notice saying ' All who have fees pending should see the department head and are not allowed to stay back in the class till the due is paid.' Myself with one of my poor classmate, stepped out from the class and walked towards the department head's office. While walking the way towards office thinking how to pay back the due, two of our juniors passed with both of their heads down to floor.

                         * ************************* *
Two months ago one of the problem raised among the junior-senior scenario made me involved into it. One group among the juniors tried to make seniors fear for collecting money from them by spreading a fake news that 'they are gonna complain about it soon'. We found the culprit who started spreading the fake news. And a small crowd of seniors and some of the juniors were present in that evening's platform. After some of his arguments and apologies, he got a few slaps in his right cheek making it cherry red. Then he gained some energy to say '' I'm the cousin of city mayor and m gonna complain this for sure.''

It felt like a new comedy said throughout those years in the campus. I came forward slapping him tight and finished with the dialogue. " Believe you know my name. Add this thing too with the complaint you are gonna file. " The real feeling of pride 'nothing matters'.

The next day he did the same he told, with his parents on side. The management fined us ten thousand rupee fine and we were suspended till the fine amount getting paid. Ten thousand for heroism and a brave memory. I had my fees amount at the bank account and with all pride I paid the fine next day morning itself. All of us did as well. We continued to ragging and started collecting money from them. He felt ashamed that time and his heads down every time he come across me was benefited.

                            * ********************** *

The next turn was our HOD's to scold me. Let me consider it as the second breakfast. The final dialogue from her was heartbreaking. " You know this decision is from the management. I'm helpless. Try paying the fees before 4'O clock." I walked down stairs and reached the gate. There the 'watchman' stopped me and asked for 'gate pass.'

money money
"Get the 'out pass form' signed and come back fast, then the gate will wait for you; opened." He said. Till the last day, he used to allow me out without any pass, and today fate is really bad for me. I never minded, There are old ways where we used to cross those tall walls in times of heavy ragging. I was checking sources for raising fund for my pending fees. Roaming room to room for money, searching for available sources, and they were all empty. We all had a financially tight situation due to the 'examination fee payment season'. I got messed up after that long search for money. It was afternoon and flowing wind carried hot molecules that blushed with skin making me weak. After every hope of light appeared shut, I decided to go back room.

While entering the gates, house owner was shooting me with her focused eyes, whether I'm locking the gates this time. She was giving her pet lunch. Though it was hot inside the room, I sat under the tree shade in the courtyard. Then I got a call from one of my best buddies.

" Hey, I was in a meeting, what's up man ?" He started.
I was not in a mood to start with anything. But I did. " Sorry, I called you for something.... That.... "

            " What 'something' ? " He wanted me to reply.

  " I needed some money for my pending fees and it is dry with all in here.. nd soo... I think I will miss the semester exams this time."

               " How much ? "

" Ten thousand " I felt little shy. But it is better to ask him than begging home or else I have to forget about the exams that semester.

" Okay; I will transfer you the amount, send me your account details. collect the money next Monday morning itself." The first part of the dialogue made me a bit alive but the next half made me realize today's bank hours are over.

"Thank you very much; but today is its last date for payment." Both of us are helpless now. We repeated the question ' What to do ' three times and ended the conversation with a bye. Two more calls came as a sequence. But results made me paralyzed under the tree shade. I felt like something is ready to burst inside and trying to come outside. I opened up a huge scream releasing all those maddening pressure inside. This weird thing provided a bit of peace but just for seconds. House-owner came with my late lunch ; shouting abuses and intolerable firing.

" What do you think of yourself! Who are you to shout like this.. Such mannerless creatures!! '' It was NMFP. I was not prepared for lunch and my stomach or else mind was already full with problems. She continued.

" Neighbours will start complaining and I am the one to reply them. What is your problem. I don't want you to stay in here anymore." Her voice came slow and silent declaring the scary drama is going to end. "Pay me the whole money Monday itself. Rent with an extra ten thousand. I will give you the pending fees money. " As she finished, reply came automatically.

" What!! " It took some seconds to realize, she actually said that. " Oh freak!! " It was a moment which actually slipped my mind out from its case.
By the time she returned back her home and came back in a minute with some money.

" I know what's eating you. Go pay your fees and come back with the money Monday itself." Reply stuck inside me for a second. " You never know how much I did to you wrong. I don't know what to say. Let me go and come back soon... and thank you.. "

A feeling of shyness mixed with nervous mindset left a smile for the first time.
While turning back to college, mind was fully shaded with some memories where I misunderstood her. Friends are all around. Celebrations will be there. Needs and help can introduce new characters and relations. We can see good in everyone if we are ready for it or else we should wait for regretful situations to realize it.




Monday, 8 December 2014
| 02:21 | 1 Comment

Mahaprasthanika Parva

It was after a long interval we set out for a tea. For us the usage 'leaving out for a tea' provides some sought of adventure, trip or sometimes crazy tasks for fun. We found immense pleasure in sipping tea after some extravagant actions which allowed ourselves tired. This time we were just thinking of walking our bus route to town. We contrived for sleeping earlier so that we can start walking early morning. But the usual problem of sleeplessness doesn't allowed us to sleep early. And some of my friends fall asleep while trying to stay awake till morning. However it was a really disturbing task to make them awake when the alarm disturbed us at 4:00 am. We irritated them making them awake and setting everything ready to go.

The village was still sleeping silently under the warm blanket. The cool breeze that gently blushed where more than enough for getting us come out from the warm sleepy tiredness. The start was set to begin from our usual bakery a kilometer away from residence. The strong tea was hot enough to raise the interest of our exploration capability. We the group of five, for a morning walk covering approximately 14 km, with 16 bus stops (checkpoints), was the task. 

After finishing the tea with lots of fun and blaming each other for our crazy plan we get down to road. We started walking from the first checkpoint targeting the climax. After 100 meters of walk we noticed a small dog following us from the beginning of our journey. It was too small so we feared whether the dog will met with an accident.

The walk was slow and simple while finishing the first two checkpoints and it was easier than expected. Remembering the long fourteen checkpoints ahead, we wanted to make the journey even more interesting. So we started singing songs from the evergreen hits to new trendy classics. At the time we reached the fifth checkpoint one of my friend stopped. We understood something is wrong with him and asked him about it. He replied "I think I can't walk further more! Need to find a closet; its paining inside. "We burst to laugh and put him in ill humour with this retort.

The morning breeze and the hot tea combined for a major cause. We called one of our sleeping friend to pick him up in a bike towards the closet. After little hesitation, disturbed from sleep, he came within minutes and took him back to room which later provided him enough relaxation. We started again with the group of four and the little dog following us.

Sun started its walk from east to west leaving his bright waves of light to earth. These waves of light penetrated through the green leaves. Meanwhile we reached the eighth checkpoint. There arose the need for an energy boosting tea. So we found a near by bakery where we can rest our back for relief. We were talking about the next half plan. It will be harder covering the next half because half among us are already tired. There will be more heat and dust with heavier sun rays hitting eyes. One among us is concerned about his costume of small trousers and less washed cloths. And we finished the tea within time and started to continue the mission. But unexpectedly one among us seemed to be sleeping in his folded hands at the table. We made him awake. But he said he cant continue walking in that present stage. Finally after lot of motivation failure, we found a solution. We left him in the near by room which was owned by one of our senior brother, staying there and working nearby. After settling him to sleep we continued our journey of craziness with the group of three and the little dog.

It was a refreshed morning with people opening shops with the song " Kowsalya suprada rama poorva sandhya....." Workers started their hard works early morning, dreaming a bright future ahead. I felt it like my back bone is getting  afflicted slowly. Town busses started their rounds throughout the city rushing to finish the routes within time. The fruits and vegetables displayed at the opening stores presented a conspicuous view of freshness. We started again with the target of reaching the town. While singing songs and walking in some speed, people around would have thought about some insane characters. While reaching the 12 th checkpoint a pedestrian with neat professional uniform broke slippers of the one who is walking behind me. He left leaving a sorry just as like the formality demands. We walked till the 12th checkpoint and he was saying he won't continue without chappals. Finally showing hands of help for a lift before the coming bikes fruited. He faded away towards the footsteps we left behind sitting in the back seat. This disturbed the one with me totally. He started saying " look! It is better to go back. Everyone escaped and they betrayed us. Let's get a bus ! " I walked straight acting like you cant make me return.

It was more prettier the day with school busses and roadside filled with cluster of beautiful students grouped everywhere. Too much of vehicles started rushing to colleges and industries for the morning shift. We, with one of my friend and the small dog we walked in some force and speed, to reach the town as soon as possible. My friend felt it shy to walk wearing mini trousers and dried dusty T-shirt. So he keep repeating about returning before entering the town. And I replied nothing back but was walking straight and quiet. When the 14th checkpoint came, accidentally there came a town bus at the bus stop. He angrily run on to the bus and left with it and that felt like the reply for my silence. I walked alone with the little dog behind me. The dust and smoke were becoming more and more while reaching every step forward. With little pain in the foot and a bit more in the back I reached the town bus stand. The final destination gave me some immense pleasure and a beautiful smile in my cheek. With the happiness of finishing the task I ordered for a tea and was thinking about the trip. I saw the small innocent dog which followed me all way. I get some biscuits for him. While serving my beautiful companion with biscuits I found similarities of our journey with the mythical story 'Mahaprasthanika Parva'.

Mahaprasthanika Parva ( Sanskrit : महाप्रस्थानिक पर्व), or the "Book of the Great Journey", is the seventeenth of eighteen books of the Indian Epic Mahabharata . It has 3 chapters. It is the shortest book in the Epic.

Mahaprasthanika Parva recites the journey of the Pandavas across India and finally their ascent towards Himalayas, as they climb their way to heaven on Mount Meru . As they leave their kingdom, a dog befriends them and joins their long journey.

Pandavas starts their journey. Sahadeva dies on the way. Yudhisthira explains Sahadeva like his other brothers was virtuous in every respect, except he suffered from the vice of pride and vanity , thought none was equal to him in wisdom. The brothers continue on taheir way to Mount Meru. Nakula dies next. Yudhisthira explains that Nakula also suffered from the vice of pride and vanity, thinking he was the most handsome person in the world. Arjuna is the next person to die without completing the journey.

Yudhisthira explains to Bhima, Arjuna too suffered from the vice of pride and vanity, thinking he was the most skilled, most powerful warrior in the world. Yudhisthira, Bhima and the dog continue forward.

Bhima tires and falls down. He asks his elder brother why he, Bhima, is unable to complete the journey to heaven. Yudhisthira explains his brother's vice of gluttony , who used to eat too much without thinking about the hunger of others. Finally Yudhisthira reaches heaven and the dog will take back its original form of a devan.

Remembering the story and experiencing it was really peace providing. I looked up into the rushing city where hundreds running for making a living. I took the small dog in hands and find a side seat. While sitting in the seat, watching the busy world ahead, a strong wave of happiness was been continuously rushing inside.

Sometimes you may think what is so special about walking this 14 kilometers . Its significance lies in, where a group of lazy people exists and a foolish generation only born to sit and chat at the virtual world.






Thursday, 6 November 2014
| 22:20 | No Comments

Kiss Of Love Not Lust



Kissing is the symbol of love not lust. If you think its lust then it is you who should change your view of looking at yourself and your state of mind. If you can kiss your mother and say it is love, then why are you watching it the other way. Even they say it is kiss of love.

Strikes are usual in Kerala, fighting within humans, destroying public properties like vehicles and shops, creating traffic and making disturbances for everyone. Police usually stand quiet at these situations like dolls at the cracker store.

Some young men and women wanted to express their protest against the orthodox behavior in changing society. They never violated rules, fight each other nor created public disturbance. Police arrested them. The whole state started blaming them. If they protested in the usual old style for another reason creating public disturbance, they will get protected and will become the next election nominees. They are blamed for a silent protest. Some others say these youth destroyed our culture. They say kiss of love, not lust. 

I think culture is something that changes with time. It is not the culture that existed 10 years back. It keeps on changing. You should think about our culture before independence. The low cast people should submit their newly wedded bride to their high cast land lord for the celebration of first night. A time where low cast ladies are not allowed to cover their bare chests. They say kiss of love not lust.

Some arguments says 'this change is the effect of westernisation not modernization'. Only the English or people from west taught us how to wear better cloths. Are you saying about India's culture. It introduced Kamasutra for the whole world. A ever made mass public descriptive note on sex. Isn't  that offensive ?

Do you want to say about Purana, base of our culture. Kamadevan and the oliambu is also a part of our purana. Krishna the lord had too much of wives and pancha pandavas shared a single wife. Our youth said, 'kiss of love', not lust.

Culture is something that is constantly changing. Even then they are not protesting it will change with time. I would like to present you an example. If the bill gates have not introduced Microsoft, someone will have done that job after, sometimes better than that. What makes him special is that he started the new culture revolution in IT releasing Microsoft. Likewise these young people are the front row of our changing society and culture. They should be praised for their intrepid attitude in facing such situations. What they wanted is here to reach the society with their ideas. Their incisive work did it, creating a spark in every mind. Let a free world arise with love, respect and peace.

If you say they are not right or they are right. Or when you discuss about this within yourselves or between others, they just wanted that. Just a spark that enables us to think about freedom, love and change.

I know some local politicians, who strongly resisted the arrival of computer in our country. They made speeches making people aware about its bad effects. They said it destroys our culture, it will turn us lazy, and much more. Now they realize how foolish and useless those speeches were. They are also using computers and the government registrations and works are also performed with that change.

Let's wait for the change. Not in actions but in mindsets.




Tuesday, 28 October 2014
| 11:37 | No Comments

Avoiding Loneliness & Experiencing Solitude




One of the problems I found strange and usual around me is the main reason for this blog. I have never ever witnessed a world that stood silent around me. But my friends say, they had.
It was the first year in college hostel I heard the word Loneliness from a musical album singing 

' I'm so lonely broken angel......... '. Then I asked my friend what is loneliness. He replied that it is the feeling of being alone. How can I accept such a foolishness? No one can never be left alone because creating friends is so simple. Then I asked him the next question. " Have you ever experienced loneliness ? ''

A story about his childhood where he got worst experiences was the reply. He said he was experiencing loneliness since childhood. I tried to understand but can't even picture such a situation of being alone in the world.
                               
The reason for loneliness can be

* rejection from loved ones
* incidents against expectation
* break-ups and problems
* workload

One of my elite classmates, 'Hari krishnan' was a chatting maniac usually chat with a hundreds of friends daily. But once he started saying 'I feel so lonely.' Even though he had a hundred friends to speak daily and yet he feels lonely.
Joseph F Newton explains the reason '' People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.''

A social networking chat box is a crystal wall which restricts emotions to pass through, just transfers copy of texts.

Loneliness is dangerous because it can direct us towards serious mental problems like depression, loss of interest in everything, sometimes suicidal tendency. I have failed many times, again and again, frustrated,but I never felt lonely. There were a lot of people to hear me every time I needed.

In the second year ,he started a Facebook page named ' I hate loneliness but it loves me more '. He added me as the admin of that page and from that I found there are hundred of requests coming to join that group. Probably girls send requests only because of its particular name.
The main reason for loneliness these days among youth is the influence of social networking. The wall created using the chat boxes. One believe the other can understand me and the other believes back. Actually none understands other. So it leaves you back in pain forwarding to loneliness.

''Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone''.
                     Paul Tillich

Solitude is a joke if told among normal youth. Nobody likes being alone that much. Everyone needs someone to share everything. Albert Einstein says, 'Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature'.

I like to be alone, like to travel alone, like to walk alone, like to enjoy rain alone, like to have a coffee alone, like to work alone, and so on. But usually friends will not leave me alone and they find it strange among the society to enjoy alone. Anthony Burgess says ' To be left alone is the most precious thing one can ask of the modern world.'

I like arguing just for nothing or to make myself understand I can win at any case. I used to argue with friends that the reason for divorces in love married couples is the over understanding which results in judgmental behavior between themselves. In my opinion a relationship exists if one protect the space of  other. If there is no space, there will not be nothing special about someone and it gets boring in the long run starting with problems without any logical reasons and finally to divorce. Every relation sustains if there something is unknown in the other side. That unknown fact of other side make us stay curious about the part and continues interesting.

Albert Einstein quotes, ' The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind '. A serious work or a creative work is done from someone's solitude. One is able of anything and feels totally confident while enjoying solitude. It is such a special feeling I experience while being alone in the rain, screaming and laughing loud. Even the atmosphere before rain and the walk after rain provides me that  special effect of solitude.

Getting out of the feeling of loneliness can me made possible by exploring new. Get out of what you are doing. Make new friends. Go for a walk. Spend time with your family. Make yourself engaged. Let that recreate yourself from a lonely you.

Experiencing the special effect and happiness of solitude is something different. It is possible through meditation. Practice running. Follow the beat of your footsteps. Do some work that is creative. Give some time to think. If you are a chatting addict, stop interacting through internet and mobile phones. Stop hearing music and concentrate on yourself while cleaning room, washing clothes and cooking food. You better experience the wonderful feeling of solitude if you want to.