Chapter 1
The day for pure love is celebrated worldwide now a days. Everyone will be having some sought of wonderful, charming memories about this beautiful day experience. Some proposals, some problems, some love stories, some big days or some special incidents. Wishing a hopeful Valentines day will be good enough than describing its specialty.
Last week; In that beautiful evening, we(roommates) were waiting for the food to get ready soon. The cooker in flames showed no signs of a confronting whistle. We had two flirting experts, one first time lover(new dreamer), one love supporter and Daivas. Flirting experts were talking about their ex-girlfriends and older love stories. Every story they told were really thrilling so that their audience will be expecting an incident likewise in their life to . After a while I noticed Nishanth(love supporter) is not happy enough to smile for those masala wits they include within their story. In late night I saw him disturbed at the bed, changing his sleeping positions frequently. I was busy with some blog stuff editing and reconstructing it with some power words. Finally after finishing everything with the notes I asked him.
" What happened ? " After some usual hesitation style he replied with the true reason.
" They say Minchu(name changed) is in another relation " I was dumb stuck with his reply and silence floated throughout the scene. I felt myself empty to reply him back with some strong words. Because I know who 'Minchu' is. Not me but some among our friends know who she was and who she is for him. I left me back horizontal at the bed thinking about starting days of our college life.
The day before first day at college was my sudden projection of thought. At the hostel, there was a small group of students who became friends all of a sudden. Like today three of my roommates were there saying exactly the same story they told those days. There was 'Nishanth' who open up his love story for the first time. Sometimes it may be the last time also.
"It was not actually a love story but was a life story"
He started from his starting days of education. " I remember , it was a rainy saga of tears made with sad and silent life hardening moments in June, continuously raining whole day and night. After all the next June and rain born with a new hope giving me the opportunity to study directly entering second standard. A new platform for me, school, new uniforms, new umbrella, new bag; like entering a new world.
I was standing with my mom along the roadside waiting for the kid plucking Auto Rickshaw's arrival. 'Babuvettan' a loving brother from my village used to take us students to school. When the auto appeared at the farthest point Mom spoke silently and seriously than ever.
'' Look 'Nishu' you already lost an year because of our last year conditions. So careful about your studies. Aim better educational targets. Realise your conditions and study well. Love you "
Auto came nearer. She gave me a kiss in my forehead and said bye. Babuvettan took me gently in his hands from the roadside to the backseat. It was totally different atmosphere for me. When we reached the school all of our other Auto mates got down from the auto and rushed towards their classes. Babuvettan get one of my hand and walked slowly. Then I noticed a beautiful girl hanging in his other hand playing hide and seek with me while walking. She was a bit scared, even excited with her cute little face. He left her free before the door with the board written 1-B. She made a magical glance at me while saying Babuvettan a soft 'bye'. It took some seconds to go from my class room with the board written 2-A.
It was the first time I met her and I felt like floating. ( That made a loud laugh among us the audience whom all gathered new. )
Those days of school excitement made both of us friends through the Auto-Rickshaw travels. Some best days and wonderful moments of my childhood. Life started moving with studies and serious examinations. Like my Mom advised, studies was my only girlfriend. My dreams were only about the studies and all about getting first rank. She became my only foe by defeating me with grades. These characters became my temporary background within few years. During the age twelve to fifteen, there we had experienced a sexual separation of mental shame felt between boys and girls. Girls will not talk to boys and boys will not mind girls even if they really want to. A natural way of creating desire to each other. The part of entertainment lies with the jokes and fun among ourselves. During my sixth standard studies I got some more sense of age and realized more.
Now I know her more. Her house is near to mine. Our families know each other and mom used to say 'she is really cute'. I remember every stories we shared each other during those Rickshaw travels.
Chapter 2 :
We were updated with new uniforms. I'm wearing new shirt and trousers and she got sandal colored shawl and check churidar. We are not kids now, we are boy and girl of teen age.
In a boring afternoon free hour, with the class continuously producing hubbub of disturbing manner less screams and laughs, we were making fun of each other. One among my friends started talking about 'Minchu' and was looking at me with his rolling eyes. Finally he stopped finishing with the dialogue;
'' She is nice; isn't she 'Nishanth' ??" I just avoided myself from the conversation expecting the climax of that subject soon. But he continued. ''I think I should try flirting with her! What do you think 'vellari' (Nishanth)??'' I felt it a bit irritated and gave him back a question.
''Why do you want my permission for that ??" He wanted my heads down with shame. So he started again. '' You are close to her and you both go back home in the same Auto-Rickshaw; you should help me!'' Every eyes on me was presenting a naughty smile and later it became a laugh. I got it really hesitated with their actions and smiles with fun making intentions. But I controlled myself and replied. ''No! I can't!!"
'' Why can't you ? " He just wanted me to reply and nothing else. I felt it shame to talk about a girl before those idiotic ones. I tried to conclude with the subject.
''Just leave her! She is my friend" and I pretended like I'm not interested in talking this thing anymore.
"Yes, your friend; not your GF. That's why I told you to help me." Another one interrupted the conversation. '' I think vellari is in love with her." Everyone together created a wild laugh which made me really disturbed.'' Answer came out from anger.
''Yes, l love her!, and I'm not gonna help you; Do whatever you can!!" I quit that conversation and stepped out from class leaving those disturbances behind.
Right from that incident, every single one of my class started teasing me with her name.
' Minchu, Minchu Minchu ' At the Hand wash cabin, in the Library, at every intervals, during my cricket matches, everywhere. Sometimes I lost control over my temper and replied harshly back creating useless issues. Those irritating days continued throughout those days.
One day in a revision labelled class before final exams, we were talking and teasing showcasing a group study format. One at the front corner started talking about Minchu, making me the bait for their teasing desires. Now I'm used with this shit they say. I can easily make me flexible instantly whenever they want. After some usual dialogues, one argued.
" So you accept you love her; don't you ? "
My reply was as they expected. " Yes; why shouldn't I " They intended to get something more.
" Have you ever told her about your love?? '' Suddenly the other one gave the reply. " What man! Don't you know he is afraid of doing such things! ''
Consequent comments came one by one. I startled to reply but they never give me some time to raise my point. Finally decision came. " After the next period there is break time. We are going to say his love. ''
'' What do you say Nishanth ?? " Now I got some time but I felt really perplexed about the reply and said. " Yes! I'm afraid. So how can I tell her that thing. Its really bad for me if you propose her for me. So I think it is better to drop this idea. "
Our generation experience a wonderful habit of writing letters for expressing love. Those were the final notes of interesting love stories apart from today's on air love chats. But this beautiful 'love letter method' affected me badly when they put me in pressure to write a love letter. I planned to tear it after writing and started writing just to get out of this continued hesitation. I started it as like the trendy format of time. Within few minutes the bell rang and there came 'Indira Miss'( Hindi Teacher) for the next hour. We were afraid of her character. I shut down the letter and put it safely inside my notebook. I was been the best for 'Hindi' subject in the whole class. So because of that 'Indra Miss' gave me more attention.
But this particular time, I'm totally out of control and my mind is flying elsewhere. I can't understand what is happening to me that time and I'm getting out of my mind every time I plan to concentrate back to studies. It appeared like my mind teasing me with her cute smiling face and that already started letter. I'm smiling simply and trying to control it with an anonymous joy. Uncontrolled, troubled and excited for nothing. Madam warned me merely four times while her notes and explanation went on seriously. In the evening, at the auto I find it extremely difficult to sit against her and reply for her questions when asked. Heart felt pounding faster and an unknown shyness from somewhere rushed inside.
All the way back home made me sick. Whatever be that, the letter inside the notebook patiently waited for the night to arrive faster than ever.
Chapter 3
Night came slowly. I felt so restless and I took too much of deep breaths to get out of that weird thing. At night, after finishing dinner, I settled down in front of my study table upstairs. My mind was totally up to about the half written letter. I took it in my hand and scanned it twice reading those two sentences again and again. It was the first time I realized I really love her more than what I believed to. Many thoughts came rushed making me in mental trauma.' Is this feeling actually love ?, why am I feeling so excited and happy without having nothing on head ?, Whether all those people who love feel this exact thing ? Will this thing poison our friendship ? ' Finally I decided to complete that letter. I wrote my mind, and all those confusing thoughts. After finishing those lines of love I wanted to read it again and again for self pleasure.
'' Nishuu, Come and drink milk before you sleep " Mom was coming upstairs with a glass of milk in that wooden stairs making 'tak-tak' sound. My vigilance jumped back to reality, folding it in all of a sudden and put it inside my Notebook's covering. She came up to me and find me disturbed. '' What happened son ? "
I managed myself to say " Nothing Mom, I can't study. I guess I'm not in the right mood. How about watching the serial now ?? '' I think she well understood it wasn't the real problem disturbing me. That night was particularly special. My heart was drumming to welcome next day morning.
Next day on-wards there arrived an unknown smile in my lips and an unwanted extra beat in my heart. I was vigilant enough, not to show her any sign of my new budded love. After some days we had our final examinations, so that I wanted myself to get prepared and concentrated. And these exams simmered the shyness and those hard and tough feelings within time.
Another thing I felt bad was that, they started teasing me in front of her. Then I became more confident because she doesn't care for teasing me with her name. Then from those period of time, I enjoyed talking more with her.
Exams got over so is the rickshaw travels. I felt those holidays as the loneliest ones I ever had. I used to go near by her home side and roam around, expecting her view with anticipation. But her uncle saw me roaming there and I saw him looking at me. That was the end of that try. After that incident I felt so restless in home. And made a vacation trip to 'Mumbai' where my cousins live. Those days in Mumbai, and the roaming in there gave me a sought of relief that placed her thought by a side. After coming back from Mumbai, seventh standard schools started with normal freshness and little of that love injected intention. I feel afraid to express my love. But I always wanted to tell her, how much I love her.
Two months passed. In an afternoon, with hot air blushing throughout the ground, we felt tired after finishing our usual cricket match. Mean while 'Jamshir', came there to tell me some bad news. He is my neighbor and her classmate. He seemed looked like feared or may be frustrated. And he silently finished his thing feared and helpless.
'During my days in Mumbai an interesting thing happened. Jamshir my neighbor came to my house for collecting my notes for his seventh standard preparation. Mom checked my notes and passed him those notebooks. Unfortunately the Love letter got stuck inside its wrapping cover. That day, in the morning section break, in his class there started a small clash between two students. They fought and while fighting they used books to throw, pointing their enemy. That was a fate actually, My note dropped that love letter while flying through the air. During next period, one of his friends got the letter and they started reading it. After finding it is love letter, more of the students joined reading. When they find it pointing towards their classmate, reading became more interesting. When students rushed to read some paper piece, Indira miss understood it holds some extremely sensational content. She took the letter, read it and threw it in the basket warning everyone not to behave this way.'
Everything over! My good name. My best student identity. Everything I build those years. I became mad and angry; then he said " It's not over " . And he continued.
After 4th hour came the lunch break, 'Kailash'(Villain) ran to the waste bin and took that paper and started rolling his eyes through those words. Jamshir plucked that paper from him and teared it into two. Again Kailash took it back from him and ran to show Minchu that letter. Jamshir, poor boy, what can he do more than accepting fate. Myself too, poor boy, what can I do !! 'Kailash' did that and she now will be thinking how bad I am. I lost my control and was confused. What to do now, is the only question ringing in my mind.
I loved her and always wanted to tell her that, but whether this thing made it worse or good ? Should I go there to meet her ? No. That is foolishness. What will be her feeling ? Will all these happened for a good reason ? Thousands of unanswered questions flashed inside within minutes. I'm done. I don't know how to explain my situation because nothing is worth of explaining my feeling that time. You should experience and feel it. The next period was of 'Indira miss' and I felt shame and was frightened. I was calculating how she is going to reply back to me.
Chapter : 4
She came as usual for the classes and proceeded with yesterday's portion. She behaved normally and I doubted whether Jamshir fooled me. No! He will not do that. But when the bell rang, she came near to my bench. " Nishanth, come with me "
When I stood up to follow her out of the classroom; I felt scared and tensed. In these type of love related cases, our school held the history of informing respected guardians of the accused. I can't even think about the situation where my dad get informed about this taboo. I stood silently before her cabin at the staff room. After a minute, she started speaking. " I don't want to ask you what happened. But I don't want this thing to happen again. You have a bright future. Don't waste it for something else. I think you have understood what I am talking about. I should not hear any complaints regrading this never again. Understood ?? " I searched out for words but stopped as it may frustrate her more.
'' Yes madam! ...mm I'm sorry. I will not repeat this again. " She was acting like she had a heavy work load to finish by a very small amount of time. " Okay! You can go now "
I felt so excited and I felt it hard to find what reaction to give it next. But I realized soon that the real problem was awaiting outside. In the jeep! I had a really bad feeling about facing her in the jeep. I thought of bunking the class an hour before and did that because I don't want to face her that day. The next day onwards I started sitting at the front seat of our jeep leaving my usual back seat. 'Sijoshettan' our present jeep driver also inquired about that unusual change several times. I felt it shy to come up with such situations and she also managed the same. Those days of unknown improper headaches.
It took too much of time for me to get adjusted with that tough situation. Real hideous times!. Every night I used to think about a hundred variety situations were I can start talking with her again. But every time I found that really weird to mingle it with the reality. After that incident, it almost took a year to get used with the situation. But during those days, everyone started teasing me with her name from every corner. In some intervals of those busy days, my heart secretly started loving her at its most. Sometimes the saying may be true; 'Distance deepens relations'. I was really getting attracted to her without my conscious permission. Those days transformed me into a true dreamer chasing spectacular views.
Two years went slow and steady. Everyone started teasing her with my name, shouting 'nishanth, nishanth!' on her way. Meanwhile she migrated from our village to a far-away place. But since our family know each other, I went for their housewarming function. I remember it was 9th of January. There I got a small piece of time, to start conversing with her; confused and excited. But somehow we managed each other. Real and best moment after those days of ill fated silence. After coming back from her new home, I rewind the scene again and again, many times so as to find myself happy. When I reached ninth standard, teasing and making fun became severe for both of us. Let me say it as its extreme level. In the jeep, I never made a second attempt talking with her because I feared the creation of a new sensational subject for teasing enthusiasts. When I reached tenth, I made some useless attempts to make her understand about my love. Some of my best friends who were girls helped me in working with that. Parvathy( name changed ) my best friend was the first among them.
During 'Hindi period' we were suppose to shift from our classroom to another, because language subjects were elective. During 'Hindi period' we were busy marking important questions for next day's exam. At that time two of my friends poked me from backbench. They show me to look at some writing written in their desk. I leaned backward to see what is that much important written in there.
It was written " Kailash love Minchu '' . Kailash and Minchu in blue ink and 'Love' was in red ink. I didn't like that to be written in there. Two of my friends were looking at me with their destructive eyes and was laughing. Bullshit!! I felt it as a greater insult and asserted myself with anger. When the bell for lunch break ranged, I walked straight towards the principal's cabin making some strong decisions out of anger. My face turned red and stood disturbed before 'Seema Madam' (principal). And a dialogue came rushed out.
" Madam, Take disciplinary action against Kailash! He is doing more and more unwanted things. If you don't, You will watch me slapping him. " I was not in the right sense to talk before Madam, I didn't even think about the rubbish came out from me. She became confused with my rough behavior and questioned me.
'' What is the problem now ? What did he do ? " I think now I'm trapped. I never think about this question and am not at all prepared for the answer.
I stammered. " Why... why... because he is disturbing a girl coming in our jeep. Isn't that unfair. " Just finished it and ran out soon. I don't know what happened then.
But during night hours I validated my actions. That was a stunning realization of how much I love her and how crazy I'm about it. I was not thinking about anything, I just wanted to curse him with my rage. Is that a bit of bad villain character ?? No! I can only watch it as a heroic thing working to show how deep love is. He is not fair. I know he always had an eye on her. But he flirted with another girl and made dirty problems. So I justify my actions, I believe someway I can.
Chapter : 5
Time rolled again. Seasons passed silently. Exams were earlier to get start preparing for next year board exams. Final year at the nine year pursued platform had its enjoyable moments to offer. That year teasing on my love became more but now we are used with it. Tenth standard has the speciality of cautious examinations which are believed to have the power of defining future. Parents hope, bitter examinations, stressed studies and unbalanced mental strength. On the way towards washbasin she have to pass through our class front. Everyone in my class used to wait for her arrival during lunch breaks, to tease me in front of her. During those final weeks of school education, I felt much crazier about her. When exams approached closer, my intention for expressing love grow limitless. Like a plastic bag holding honey more enough than it can handle, all about to burst. Finally I decided to tell her everything I wanted to.
But I had many restrictions. Exam concentration, Family problems, Limited time availability etc...
Finally after consulting with Parvathy my best friend, she assured to help me. Everyone was in a hurry preparing for exams. So we waited patiently for the prefect timing.
Finally that day of my dreams arrived. Twelfth of February 2009. I made the plan with Parvathy, and rehearsed the scene of my dreams several times. Ninth standard exams came earlier and she is having her final exam that day. We had our revision classes going on and for us bunking hours are more. That day we had 'Sheema' Madam's revision classes for morning section. Parvathy is already there to inform her that I'm waiting for her reply at the lower ground. I bunked my second hour class and was waiting for her approval at the lower ground. Heart was heavily drumming inside.
Our school had two grounds, one at the upper part and other at the lower side. Two verandahs from both sides of the ground made the way towards ground. At the lower ground there situated the toilet, so there will not be too much of friends or staff to disturb us. That made lower ground the perfect venue for my proposal. Today she is having her final exam of ninth standard. I think sun is a bit jealous about my proposal thing, or else what is the need of spraying such hot harder rays to desperate me. Excitement ate me with its sharper fins and started chewing me with the unexpected possibilities of her reply. Now everything is going to reach its crucial part. Long wait awaits her decision. I tried more to give it a pessimistic approach. Bell rang loud, making me realize that hour finished its final seconds. Students rushed all around me for the celebration of break time. They all returned when the bell made its next noise. Atmosphere became silent again.
Its almost an hour now, nothing happened as expected. I started walking back to our class room. That red floor of verandah gave the mood an angry costume. Frustrated! While reaching the top section, Sheema madam offered a small relaxing break for our class. Friends came all around me, with the question 'what happened ?'. When I started saying ' She didn't came ', Parvathy came running, in a hurry and said. " She is in the verandah, coming to meet you ". In a second I ran down to reach the ground. The red floor was neat and was providing a lovely red appearance. All of my friends followed me to the ground. When she stepped into the ground with her friend, I came on time. In that moment of regenerated excitement, I lost myself in there and nothing came out from my mouth. Something similar situation we see in the 'Center Fresh' advertisement. Every plans ran off from my mind, and she looked extremely beautiful. I was staring at her rapid moving eyes; I knew, I have to start with something.
"Say something" Some noise pushed me from my back side. Like the experienced parrot repeat, I started speaking unclear. " Say something " I think I too feel the fear all over my body.
" What should I say ? " Her reply was soft.
" Okay! Just tell me yes or no ? " I didn't feel anything then. No tension, no fear, no excitement.
After a genuine pause came the answer. " No " She finished it simply looking down into ground. Lost!! I made a turn and saw a minimum of fifteen faces with the same expression looking at me from that semicircle formation around me. I walked straight back to the verandah and the group of friends followed me. I had a hundred feelings in mind, appearing simultaneously one after other. Everything with a bad painful intention. I adjusted the situation for my friends so that they shouldn't have to watch me feeling bad. I walked straight into the class room and there we had busy revisions going on. Madam gave me and my friends a heart full of scoldings for our late entry. I had an insane feeling with lots of frustrating ideas crushing my head. ''No, I didn't expect her saying ' yes, I love you '. Then what is making me psychotic!! '' I stood silent and tried listening to class subject. But it felt like my brain is bleeding. Bell for lunch rang suddenly.
Parvathy came again with another news. " Minchu wants to meet you. She is waiting out there. " It was really a surprise to hear her saying that thing. I get out from the class with Meena to meet her at the verandah. She was there waiting for me. She was there at the school front and I know what exactly is the rubbish she is going to say. ' I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I don't wanted to hurt you. I can't love you. Please consider me as your sister.' Usual format for avoiding!!
She looked at me more confidently and said. " It is YES for me." I can't believe she is saying the real thing I wanted to hear for years. Paralyzed!! Is that one among my dream last night!!
" Then why you said likewise ?? " Simply accepting my love needed some clarifications. Surely I know, she was expecting that question.
" Too much of your friends.... and I felt scared. " I just can't believe it actually happened. Again I checked whether this thing a dream constructed to fool me. My heart beat elated with enormous joy. She made a turn and walked away with her friend. While walking her way to 'Village Mukk' bus stand, she gave me a shakundala glance which is the historic symbol of ancient love.
The real problem awaited in the shades. She is having holidays from tomorrow.
Chapter 6
I forget to share something interesting that happened parallel to my eighth standard school days. I have a sister whom I used to share everything that happens during my school days. Accordingly I used to explain her about the teasing incident, the crush I started feeling and about the love for her. During my eight standard studies I tried to make a collection of her photographs by cutting some from school magazines, group photos and some from other sources. One day my mom accidently saw my photo collection note and asked me about it. I felt caught and my situation was heavier like you should experience it to understand what exactly the feeling is. My sister came nearer and explained the situation to support me was my wonderful advantage. After finishing with the total story of love, she advised me to get it out of my head.
" Look Nishu, you are fifteen now. You are not at the school to love. You should love your studies first more than anything, then we are ready to propose any girl you like." Mom was been my first and ever love, moreover she was been my matter of respect. So I decided to pursue her leaving my love. But for the first time the situation changed me to follow my life or else my love.
After her approval, I was suffering from a situation where I can't even concentrate on my studies. I was never been like this before. I can't even tolerate her words of approval so that I used to repeat the scene of her reply in my dreams. I tried a little hard to concentrate back to studies and those moments disturbed me every time. Those days of serious examinations ran over faster than expected and I was getting madder without her single view. After finishing my last exam I took a long route to her home, imagining her view at a longer site. But that time also her uncle caught me roaming around her house. Then I understood it was a really risky task roaming around her home every time. I tried real hard to contact her anyway but was feared about starting talking with her. Holidays was been a saga of thoughts and plans so that I finally concluded with a small relief plan. The next telephone booth was my destination. I know she will spend her day hours alone at home. I made the call to hear her sweet spells. But I was afraid whether her home connection have a intercom recorder which notifies or records our conversation.
" hello " I started already. And she was there at the other end picking up the receiver.
" Hello " she paused for the other end to make a start. The fear of intercom converted me dumb. She asked again. " Hello, Who is this ? " her voice was such sweet like the angels from heaven started singing around me. I heard her voice asking me 'who are you' again and again and she disconnected the call saying 'sorry, I can't hear you'. This thing was nice and I repeated doing this again and again.
It was my sisters marriage arranged during those holiday intervals. That day before her marriage I got sick with a wild fever which made me in trouble. It was such a troublesome situation stressed me to get two heavy drug injections for attending marriage functions steady. In that morning I woke up watching my mom collecting new dresses from the cupboard. She smiled at me. " Good Morning Nishu "
" Morning ma " I woke up from bed. She had a naughty smile at her face.
" Minchu is waiting for you downstairs " she laughed and made a turn to leave my room. I can't believe she is here. In my house. Shocked for a second with a confusion and start preparing to present myself before her like it was my first date. I wanted to talk with her. My mind deserved a gentle conversation. Whatever, I found my best T-shirt and trousers for our first meet after her approval. I felt really excited and tensed.
I step downstairs to meet her at the front verandah. Her beautiful first look took me away from earth to heaven. 'God! She looked such beautiful in her attractive costume.'
I came back conscious to made a glance around to look at the nearer atmosphere. " How do you feel now. Are you alright ? " Dad made me shiver with his rough sound asking about my health conditions from a nearby side.
" Its okay dad. How is everything going on ? " I replied with a scared, yet managed facial tone. He spoiled my mood with his presence. I felt the situation really bad toned to look again back at her.
" Guests are arriving. Go meet your cousins " I took a deep breath and walked towards the other side of our house. While crossing her, I passed a casual smile that can convey my helpless situation and love for her. Her parents are around. I should act more vigilant and gentle. I found her at some intervals of time during the whole marriage programme.
We intentionally came together for two or three functions at our village expecting a better conversation. Unfortunately nothing happened as expected. Every time her parents, my cousins, relatives and neighbours came in to disturb us before starting conversing.
Holidays became over and I changed the school for higher secondary education. That year was the black age of my love. An year I sponsored for serious studies. It was a new start where I started living without dreams. Mom was been my biggest support in leaving distractions behind to concentrate back studying.
During the final days of eleventh standard classes, sudha madam gave us special class at the morning to finish her portions. That day I woke up early and finished lighting lamps at my nearby temple. When I reached the bus stop for the bus, it already started its run. I ran faster to reach the bus, and made the final jump to get into the footboard. With my sweated uniform, heavily breathing nostrils and drumming chest, I saw her again astonishingly beautiful at the front. An year made my love more sweeter and stronger.
That was a wonderful twist I never expected again. I was waiting for the next day to arrive faster. That day morning section was an ultimate hectic one. More energetic! I woke up early to shower and then towards the temple for lighting morning lamps. I changed my routine for her so that I can ran to get the bus she usually travels. I started repeating this routine which created a small spark of doubt at my moms mind. I used to travel with her towards the direction of her school and get down the next stop for another bus to reach my school which was exactly at the opposite direction. Even though it was a hard routine to maintain, I had a crazy intention which forced me to work for her mere view at the daily bus. Her beautiful face was the thing that made my each individual day a better day.
Parvathy did her pre-degree somewhere near to her school. I wanted to make a better conversation with her. But I should say 'I haven't had enough guts to start with something. Something like shyness or optimistic strength pulled me backwards.
Chapter 7
That was a period of self joy that mixed with the silent love. After a while 'Parvathy' came to me with her message and that was a shock for me. She had a complaint like I was not at all speaking a single word with her. That was an unexpected thing I ever imagined. And that day I felt it so hard to sleep and my mind was continuously constructing and reconstructing the possibilities how and what to start with. Finally I planned a conversing strategy to start with her next morning.
Early morning I had more of the energy to get up from bed and get ready for the bus. I was rushing to get into the front part where ladies had reserved seats. She was just a meter in front of me but a group of thickly packed passengers stayed between us. Apart from the usual way I step down at her bus stop near to her school. She came down from the front door and when I got down I lost my confidence and tend to cross the road for the next bus to my school. She called me from back. Silent and neat sound! '' Hey " I made a back turn to see whether she called me or anyone else. She was waiting for me to say something else. 'Even if my plan failed she have got a practical plan;' I thought. When we came face to face my heart pumped enough blood to balance the situation. I wanted to start before her try. '' I heard a complaint from you that I'm not at all talking to you "
I just paused a second for her. And at that second she made her entry.
" Yeah!, but now I'm not here to say something like that." A bit of confusion was digging inside with the tool of anxiety. I haven't even saw her like this before. She was also disturbed with some subject to start up with and her face was also giving it such an expression.
'' See, I agreed it likewise and thereafter we saw each other in some rare occasions. But this is the time. Let's end this thing." She gave it a break looking into my eyes and continued with the remaining.
" We both have too much to complete with the studies and this thing should not disturb us anyway. Let's end this and I think that will be better. "
My feet sucked heat from the ground and made me dry from bottom and emptied me totally. She was just waiting for me to say something; I know. The automatic question released from my throat.
" But why ? Is that such a big thing for you to avoid me ? " She gave it a helpless glance and left. I don't know what exactly was that thing her glance meant. After that incident I felt depressed about that unreasonable rejection. It was making me perplexed every time whether I have done something wrong or I haven't did something right. The baddest feeling ever.
After that incident I decided not to see her again. I purposefully changed my routine and made some usual boys plans that can run my day. After some weeks I just explained everything to my mom and that was a big relief from the pressurizing thoughts. She was making me forget about the fascination I weighed in my head and she advised me to concentrate on studies. I tried following it likewise with my mental strength either.
Between that day and today we met several times occasionally and conversed several times as old friends. But I know my mind is still waiting for her company, not as a childhood friend but as a lifetime partner. I never tried diverting my mind from my mother's advice till now. But this thing is a bit more for me; not for me actually, but for my heart truly.
(Here I believe this story continue towards a better and happy ending climax. Today my college, friends and readers are really expecting a happy ever after climax after reading about his passion towards her. It is just a joke for the x-generation while talking about years of love. Here in this story they haven't even talked much. They haven't gone out for a date or even shared a cup of coffee. But love existed in his heart and soul like the olden melodies we refuse to erase from phone. I didn't intentionally meant to hurt someone while writing this stuff. I just tried to imagine the situations of my friend and tried to express his experiences, when love generated at his inner self. Along with my friends and roommates we hope this story to get continued towards a better ending. This is not the end.) Picture abhi baaki he Bhai..
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