TVLIC

The Revolutionary Changes

PREFACE

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

It was raining that day. The hot atmosphere tried cooling itself, leaving its hot vapour up the sky. Every drop of this particular rain appeared heavy, holding a handful of molecules that are supposed to separate within the second. We stood in the rain defending each other, allowing heavy drops to hit our dry skin to get wet. A drop was waiting at her nose tip for the perfect timing to drop itself into collapse. I kissed her! In her lips! The sweat smelling little drop rewrote its fortune spreading onto my face.

Part 1 Emergence

Let me tell you a story. Story of an orphan who got an extraordinary chance to live. The one who started believing in him and was peculiar in his style of thoughts. He got good food, a family and above all, an un-imaginable life.

I couldn’t remember those days that left me alone. From the day I met him, I got everything better than anyone else. My dad, my mom, my great family and the world of mine. Obedience was the only thing he asked for and patience was the only thing I gave in return. A great coaching troop of trainers all around offered the best childhood with stories, games, knowledge and qualities. My dad was like a landlord, involved in local politics and such kind of stuff which made him surrounded with problems. Whatever be the bad smelling incidents around, he always looked at me with his smiling gentle face.

I’m his only proud son. I had that defect of irrational thoughts which were creative enough than their imagination, maybe because of that fact they didn’t sent me school. Maybe because of some other reason it happened. But they offered me home tuitions and workout sessions where I performed my levels of patience and obedience. I lived in a temple related background, so that my mom expected everything will get right through god. Realization of my defect stuck me when I entered the society through temple groups. I started achieving heights and won every sections I stepped. I just made ‘more than a usual kid’ status within time. The respect villagers gave, the positions I was elected to, the partialities that was given to me, the decisions I had right upon and everything taught me about the speciality in my birth with the defect of up-normal thinking. My little ideas worked out wonderfully making huge transformations in the society and in our local family business.

The praising poems I wrote and the stages I starred with appealing speeches contributed me a kind of confidence. I should have thanked God a hundred times for my happiness and for the gift of my sagacious brain. There was the only one school-aged organising committee member, during family meets and annual programmes, who fascinated the audience. Those happenings transformed me into a star within the small village atmosphere.

Something changed while I grew up strong and bold. Dad became week both physically and socially when his late product added age to his credit. Everything around me was good and I lived my life. Many kids used to blame me when their parents compare them with my status, as a role-model of excellence and acceptance.

I had everyone friendly around me; small hanger baby to old toothless seniors. But everyone should have some friends of their age for sharing the age talk. I do had some.

After finishing my schooling in home, the age group talks became more interesting. My friends were talking about, small love stories, gang wars, friendship strength, and much more stuff, in which novels, televisions and movies habituated me before.

My desire for a better enjoyable life was getting stronger and bolder. After creating a big storm of sentimental atmosphere, I succeeded with my decision to fly towards freedom. Even if my dad didn’t wanted me to fly outside, he agreed unwillingly, unable to cope with the new young man’s theory. That was my first dis-obedient performance that changed everything. Everything I had and everything I was.

Watching some engineering students enjoying their life and from the stories they narrated, I made my love for pursuing engineering. But there was another condition. ‘I have to go study outside the state’ and that is the reason why I selected ‘Pallavanore’ city in Tamilnadu, which is more near to Kerala, as my place of interest.

There we had a totally different atmosphere with a large group of students, who made a world as their own with a useless lifestyle. Everything there was acculturative and taught me something good about the world. They showed me the world was too big to understand and experience. I kept thoughtful about personalities, behavior, patterns and uniqueness of life. Addiction was the major part of that life. Addicted to coffee, liquor, laziness, drugs, partying, criticism and much more. It was like travelling in a time machine, from a village past world into a city future world. My interest in speech, writing, martial arts and dance competed with the future world of e-gadgets, online shopping, music and drugs. Finally I failed and the technology won. I ended up in a room, with high bass speakers, smoke all over the space, and mobile phones at my fingertips. An unresponsive slave of an addictive lifestyle. The unexpected consequence of disobedience.

After the four years of dark age, I went back home losing myself competing with the exams and classes, there to find an old black shaded home, with two old lives. My dad and my mom! He was week and was struggling with problems that he never wanted to share with me. Life was struggling at some part but I realised the one they let me know was only its smooth end. There our big house appeared too small, and it was empty leaving my dad and mom back in the small room at the back corner.

Reality stuck me. I understood the seriousness of problems I made. I should build back my family, strengthen our business relations, solve the problems and join everyone together. I tried getting up from bed and tried working for it. Then I understood ‘I’m not that heroic star anymore.’ I realised the silent escape of all those applauses around me. Time erased everything good around me. My memory, activeness, processing speed and smartness. I just became a useless normal kid within these four years. Everything around me has tumbled. God made the big line small drawing a large one near to it. Every house has been rebuild and is new-fashioned now. The fancy car and phone which were our symbol of lordship became a basic facility everyone had. Everyone around us evolved into a new start. We are still in the past, with the big turned small house and old pride.

You must be boring reading an old sentimental story. By the way, my name is ‘Dhyan Raghav.’

Part 2 This is How it Started

It was in the last September, I saw him for the first time. He was one among the interview attendees waiting at the office door. We are from two different states with different languages and two different religions with different customs. We were almost opposites with our mother tongue, customs, character and style. How can opposites attract in life? Maybe this is the magic of love.

I, myself is the senior class designer of ‘Futurefleas’ gaming company located in the Tech city of India. I’m here for the last two years; from that day I came from college, as part of my internship programme. He was an unfit for our small company, with his neat looks and gentle expressions that were too much for us. We have only some small groups of designers and trainers in the company in which we made a Tamil world with the majority of eight Tamil employees. There is another senior designer from ‘Kerala’ (from his native) who don’t know our language ‘Tamil’; the only Mallu (Keralite) known to me before. We used to tease him every day even though he possessed meritorious amount of material yield.

He was positioned next to my friend ‘Shree’ for online eligibility test as part of first round interview scenario. While breathing, the fresh air entered him and get mixed with the smelling tobacco and travelled back to us. We were teasing him loud, sitting around his place, concluding he knows no Tamil. He was wearing a blue neat shirt with semi black trousers and his cheeks were neatly trimmed creating a handsome sexy appearance. We derived it from his facial status; ‘he will not come back to this company.’ After sometime of his dismissal we discussed about him with our HR ‘Reshma Madam.’ She started laughing and explaining about what all he told. ‘He just finished the college, have many back lobes, he loves programming, he said Mallus never help each other, he can’t return back home without a job, and so and so.’ Her muscles in face convulsed.

After three days he came again, ready to join our company and that was a surprise for all of us. We looked at each other and made a smiling glance. Reshma choose ‘Jeena’ (my best friend and college mate) for training him and another experienced entrant joining that day. I stroll into the conference room with her, just to see the one who broke our expectation. Reshma gave a preface explanation about the job and handed it to Jeena. While she started with the basics I left back with Reshma. After five minutes ‘Jeena’ came back saying ‘he knows Tamil’ and she left back to the training session. After the morning tea, they came back to some vacant cabin other side. That day ran faster than expected. The next day, Jeena was leaving our company with one year experience and was running for new company and better job. I felt the emptiness when she stood up from her seat and said bye. For the last four years’ time, she was always been near to me. I do behave like an emotional idiot in times. I know, I am!

The next day morning, I was looking at her seat emotionally and was thinking about an escape from this company. I will beetle off from here as soon as I complete my studies going on. Reshma called me out from her cabin at the corner.

“Stella! GM told not to continue with ‘Dhyan’ in the main part. He is mindless and of no substance. Please train him to write the basic level programming. Can you do that? ” That meddle had the habit of slaying with smile.

“No Problem Mam; I will” I returned her humble smile. When she gave him instructions, I felt disturbed. Disturbed without any reason. Maybe Reshma can be the reason. He came and sat near to me. I was little confused about how to start with the program thing. Finally I did,

“Take your notepad and note down the formats I explain.” He gave a foolish dumb facial expression and said. “It’s Okay; just tell me, that’s fine.” He gave it a childish immature accent.

“What do you think of yourself? Can you grasp everything from the sound? Do you know how much I have wrote?” I flew of the handle and opened my notepads and diary before him. He looked back at me with popped out eyes and the same comical dumb facial expression. He took his pen and notepad and waited for something to start.

I felt afraid why I did it likewise. Maybe his part in my life needed an unusual start.

Part 3 Gentleman Deal

After trying again and again, I crafted a lot of attempts to head start with something that can empower me to work with the change that could be synthesized for a resurrection. But everything went wrong and impeded presenting negative thoughts. A month of sleepless nights passed by. Every mornings presented a headload of pain and depression. A new plan budded every second and they crashed each other up in my brain, building complicated networks that made my clock screwy. Sentimental comments came when I came out to the street, from those people around that turned into an unacceptable challenge for my prideful status. That was the reason why I left my village to explore the new possibilities of evolving.

Even though I suspected not to go back ‘Pallavanore’, I did it because, it was the only place I felt local to the surroundings. There I had some savvy friends who dreamt of a long trip together, towards an unknown destination. But the condition we had was not that stable with financially backward situation. So we made a small trip catching the next train that arrived in the nearby station. The next day morning witnessed ‘Bangalore city.’ Even though ‘Bangalore’ is special for its IT Companies and Technological world, we saw it in other way. The easy availability and cheap price of liquor and wine compared to neighbouring states made Bangalore special for us. So we choose to relax from morning itself. We have quite a little friends there and a usual hangout PUB where we danced during college trips.

Arrows at the clock ran faster and pointed at four when I made the second glance. We were talking about the vexed issues of unexpected reality that changed our lives into disaster this soon. After a day long discussion starring future possibilities, we settled on changing the subject so because, same subject the whole day felt lifeless without conclusions. So my friend selected the subject of love that have more complications to talk about. Even though the subject didn’t felt suitable for our present condition, I liked opposing love stories from college days.

My friends had love stories that grow up within social media, and ended up in bed. Maybe some short love stories. One started with his usual comment, “You know, among the hundred movies released in India, surely ninety-eight will explain a love story. So there exists love and there is life within itself. Maybe you should experience it to know how it works.” I have a bad tendency of opposing everything that unwillingly suits my concept. I got my time then.

“Okay guys! Explain me what’s love? When should we call it true and mythical? Have you ever seen a true love story for real? There is no made for each other thing either. Only human lust and care is combined and we call it as love. It will not exist for a lifetime. That is why intelligent ancients made religions and made ‘one man one woman rule,’ as a matter of religious outcome, so as to keep the human quality of self-control for our race to move forward.” When my volume raised from scoring energy, couples all around pointed at me with their distressed faces. Probably I should have disturbed some dating plans. But I didn’t quit. “We change our behaviour, style, trend, likes and dislikes often with latest fads. If someone gets interested in you because of your character and style, we are going to change them within sometime. Any girl can love, as many guys and any boy can love as many girls as he wants. If you can stay at one, you are the owner of such a quality mind.” Soon I noticed the silence around me awaiting end for my conceptual speech. So I thought of ending it easy and simple. I don’t want to make them bored again and reached towards climax. “Each and every girl is flexible and will change their mind with time, so do boys.”

That climax wasn’t that acceptable. So they started again with the reply. “So you say every girlfriend is flexible, and will change their mind with mood and time. I can’t totally accept that rubbish.” He blew a fuse when he added words, becoming crazy with my theory. “Alright, do one thing. Prove us your theory.” He was about to start a massive attack, before that I injected in. “Prove? What to prove? Whom to prove? I was just sharing a thought; if it doesn’t seems digesting, leave it free.” Though I was just ending it, my tail end smile displayed it like escaping. So they got the chance. “How can you just say that in the public? If it was your foolish dumb thought then it should stay back in your mind. You said it because the mighty Dhyan is able to prove it.” Everyone approved it with intentional dialogues that followed. “It’s simple, choose a girl and change her mind, make a new trend and that’s it.”

“Doing that to a girl is terrible. How can you say such things! Even though I try, I should find a girl first.” I objurgated.

“Finding a girl is nothing man, Can’t you see sexy girlfriends all around. Now you will say, none are challenging for you.” He was locking my only word of hope with that precaution comment. I just wanted to end that teasing war reaching targeted towards me. “Okay! Which girl? You just select one for me. I’m ready.” He haven’t had the intension of quitting.

“Before that I have one more thing to say. Let’s make it a bet as we always do. Tell me what you can accept if you can’t make it in time. That’s the gentleman procedure.” Foolish scoundrels around supported him with the ‘OoHaa’ sound. I didn’t wanted to stay silent before the winning party. So I counterbalanced with confidence.

“Alright; let’s make it a gentleman deal. What if I succeeded with the motive? What can you offer me back?” We usually make gentleman deals for fun and I do earn the most of it. But the speciality of this particular deal is the presence of that unknown lady. They paused for a minute and one started again. “Let’s fix the girl first, and we will continue with the deal.” They all started counting around and I was checking through their faces. They made some suggestions and amended it with some else. Finally the guy who fixed the deal fixed the girl.

“I know how hard it is to get trapped with the situation. So I can help you with a favour. It seems like that girl at the restaurant table is having some problem with her boyfriend. It will be much easier to get her if you can act like a caring friend now.” I didn’t even looked at the table because I was determined to reply him before that. “Thanks! Six month time is all I need. What will you accept when you get failed with this?” And I looked at the girl and I couldn’t even see her properly because she sat some hundred degree other side.

“Okay, we altogether will offer you a ‘Manali’ trip free of cost.” He checked with others in a glance while finishing. “And what will be your price of defeat?” I don’t have any answers to explain. So I kept thinking. “What do you want me to do? Some favour or a curse to accept myself.” These are the two ‘gentleman deal’ options available. “You can decide that too.” He throw me a much confused decision to make.

“Okay! I will work in your timber mill just for food and shelter; means without a single rupee salary.” My low voice made them confident, producing a bewitching smile as its sign. He find that fascinating even though others find it stodgy. “You are going to be treated as a slave; are you sure, you said that?”

“Do you think Dhyan is brainless or fatuous to make asinine comments?” Everyone around looked at me with a ‘did that hurt him’ thought. They know I’m adamant with my decisions, and adding a trivial outlook completed my comfortable state. The guy sitting opposite me beckoned to the other when he started at something with a ‘sorry’.

“Let me see my girl first, then lets continue with another topic.” I stood up from the couch, placed bottle at the table and walked intentionally towards the washroom crossing the restaurant. There is no sentiments or compromise with gentleman deals; such related talks faded when I walked away. On my way back from washroom, I was looking at her for calculating my first gut instinct.

She wasn’t that pulchritudinous, but was old-fashioned girl with frameless specs and pleasing style. Even though my gut instinct gave me a favourable reply, the second thought erased everything with a negative flash.

I was thinking like going to her and asking like “What happened sweetheart? Any problem?”

“Then her boyfriend will come for me and I beat him there. Watching me beating her boyfriend makes her impressed and ask me for the favour of dropping her home. While I drive, police jumps into the scene and the escape related incidents make her love me from that day itself.”

This is the beginning strategy of love in every Telugu movie. But now I know life is much worse than movies.

We drunk until we fall and sleep, teasing each other, ignoring the girl and the task waiting at the restaurant.

Part 4 My Presumptions

Job in here cast down to be colourless within days. Absence of ‘Jeena’ was making the whole atmosphere lonely for me. I got more of the stuff to handle everyday like training the new entrants, working with my team in programming, extra fill outs and call outs from GM, and debugging submissions. The only thing that felt savouring was, getting placed between two trainee guys as their trainer. The one was a Pentecostal Christian who was an extra fine character with first looks and was graduated from somewhere in States with an experience of three years in web-developing. I was afraid what to and how to tell ‘Sam’ about the procedures. But when I kick off to start, he gave back a supportive matured response and absorbed everything I told for action.

But ‘Dhyan’ the other guy was just the opposite. Not just the opposite, but he was more than that. He was a fresher from some unknown college in ‘Pallavanore,’ near to my Top Ranking College of that city. He haven’t even completed the course. He is here as a trainee with less than the basic salary. More than that he is a moronic lacklustre with careless mind and dumb brain. Ahh... That was relaxing!!

The first day itself, after my lengthy explanation he said ‘he understood everything’ and on the go he came up with doubts. Usually teachers encourage doubts, I think he is over-motivated in this. If disturbing with doubts is an art, he must be a professional among such artists. For example, you are going for a tea in the nearby store and the waiter is asking you about it. “What about the tumbler sir, paper or glass? Do you want it hot or medium? What about the sugar sir? You want it strong or light sir? Sir do you like to opt for any varieties like ginger tea, special tea or green tea? Do you want anything else with it? Sugar?”

How irritated you must be? Training him is like hearing and getting irritated with the condition for nine hours a day. You can calculate it now, my ability of patience.

While this thing was going on in its way, I gave him a program to study and explained him to examine it and explain the same in five minutes. He started scanning it making a sound similar to one that kids make while playing with toy car. It was an application created for ‘Medical Products and Marketing.’ While I turned my head back to system with the relief of a pause from him, he turned back to me and asked in a rush.

“What is this thing Viagra?”

In a second I got confused and words came out without my permission. “What?” The other guy ‘Sam’ heard that. He turned to us. He asked again with a ‘Do I did anything wrong’ expression.

“What is ‘Viagra,’ it’s getting repeated in the text.” I just get stunned without an answer and looked back to the system and observed him still counting on me. The guy other side busted into laughter and managed to say ‘I will tell you later, go on with your work.’

In the other minute, my stunned and excited reaction became text and travelled to ‘Shree’ and ‘Athira’. In the next second, two faces budded up the cabin with a semi-smiling pause looking at me and him frequently. I burnt up with anger and restlessness with a comic unknown signal. That day passed with a load full of teasing targeted towards my situation.

He told me many things without a question. He didn’t pass the exams, he is from a family in a village at Kerala, and he plans to make a duplicate graduation certificate and the plan of making money for that, etc.…

He don’t use his mobile phone much, but occasionally there comes some secret call in which he talk in good western English. He told me he has the problem of overthinking which disturbs a man from sleeping. Overthinking has another name for its mental condition ‘Analysis Paralysis.’ He told me he don’t like sentimental people and he teased Tamil movies for having an over-sentimental hero.

After a week I end up confused about who he must be. That weekend, my mind was full of him, sharing with my friends and thinking about him. During the daily chats with my boyfriend, my tongue tip keep repeating his name ‘Dhyan’ even though I’m afraid to do so. Categorically analysing, he is an unfit with all cases. He is new like fresh and raw. A very different man I have ever seen in my whole life.

He started teasing me and Shree whenever he gets the chance. Athira was the only one who replayed him whenever she gets the chance and he controls it silently. When we girls in gang comes together we arrest him in the cage. I do use the opportunity, performing smart before others.

One thing I noticed about him is that he gets tensed when anyone use the word ‘business.’ Maybe he don’t like business, or maybe he has a story starts from business fall, or maybe he is betrayed from some business, maybe his parents... He is mysterious and I thought the only one who know him is his friend and my other trainee Sam. I started about him with Sam but he don’t know him out of office. They leave together from office, share a tea and snack and drop him somewhere and that’s all he know. My head started thinking a lot. I often felt like I’m overthinking.

He was unexplainable like we couldn’t even figure out whether he is teasing or getting self-teased. Throwing that confusion he neutralize every targeted attack that approaches him. Whatever happens, he gave that foolish, comical dumb expression and in the next minute he switches to cool free man like nothing happened.

I believe he don’t know how to talk with a girl. He talks about the worst stuff degrading himself, never cares about anything that matters us, have a different opposing opinion about love, don’t even have a phone to chat with. Maybe he is a fraud!

The one thing that fascinated me was his style of adapting me. He eats my styles and phrases to tease me and puts it in, whenever the situation favours. We practiced the phrase of using “seri okay” for confirmation and that was the one he used first to tease me when I gave him instructions. Then he robbed my usages like ‘Ada Kodumi!’, ‘Vinayaka perumalae’ etc.… He was witty with his character and his lips keeps on moving every second of the day. Once he told me that, he keep three rules for himself for his office part. One was formal dressing code, the other was attendance and the third was the unbelievable one; silence. So he came office every day in formal uniform, and he came everyday even if all others planned for some leave together; but being silent was a real challenge for him.

A month passed in the shades, teasing each other and working with his improvement as an employee. He mentioned about my boyfriend throughout the teasing saga when something came wrong from my part. I didn’t want to expose me as a girl with a boyfriend but it happened. That evening we were in a joined massive attack with him. Unusually I supported him in a particular point crossing Athira and Sree saying, ‘my trainee is the best one.’ Soon he responded.

“See, I have my girl there” When he finished with confidence, Shree interrupted loud and fast. “She have her boy already; who is your girl then?” He lost his face looking down and changed his tune. We burst into laugh with a hi-fi, confirming we scored.

Back in my room, I felt tired and kept thinking about the incident; it was confusing enough to decide whether I scored it bad. ‘She haven’t said that! How can I face him tomorrow?’

Sleep erased all such thoughts when I woke up the next morning. After some days he asked about him along with some useless murmurs. “Silly guy! He is gonna suffer for sure!” When he murmured in a flow I replied with the flow. “Who?”

“That one; your boyfriend.”

Remembering that incident happened two three days back I replied unending but fast as an answer.

“Who told I have one!” Making the scene little reddish didn’t affect him anyway. Nothing does! He still felt cool and replied. “Ohww… Are you such a waste? You can’t even get a boyfriend in all these years?” He giggled in such a way to make me redder enough.

After a second pause I gave him answer. Slow and silent. “No, I have one. Shut your mouth and do your job.” I thought of winding it up; need some time for thoughts. He has that creepy behaviour of unblushing chase. He came up with the next comment.

“Why can’t that dialogue bring you enough happiness? Are you planning for a breakup?” Sudden but the same silent tune reply appeared little unusual.

“Shut your mouth and do your job” I backstabbed.

He was full of action, giving a bit of extra reaction for everything that required a little bit. He seems to be the mysterious person I ever know. Sometimes he appeared like a terrorist with intentional motives. One day I asked him about that, fitting it in the final part of a teasing strip. But he was cool and replied simply laughing to that. So that was a clarification.

One day I found him talking English in his broken half-working phone, and I’m sure no one was at the other end. So he is simply acting like calling somebody. He is not that well in English while attending office calls and while replying mails. Then why he do all this? Whatever, he is a very good actor bewitching us with tricks.

He said he don’t have much friends. He talks like an alien, with unacceptable rules and ideas that our modern world feels difficult to digest. I spent a lot of time rolling through his Facebook page, and found everything normal. He has a collection of handsome clicks which are well edited and maintained. There I saw a lot of his friends hanging around him and many photographs that explains his friendships. Liar! Maybe he is a liar!

I thought he can’t even connect with girls; because he had an unusual style of irritating commentary. But there was a lot of girls in photographs posing by his side. So maybe he is good person whom we can trust.

As time passed he started opposing ‘Love.’ His concepts were against the love and relations that’s happening through social media. He believes they will not sustain till end. Explaining concepts about each and everything. Even though his advises helped me with many problems that took place, I hate the philosophy in each and everything.

One day when I was returning to the table after lunch he was drawing something in the old table calendar that was thrown in the corner. When I asked to show it; after his usual hesitation style, he gave it to me. I was stunned after looking at it. He have transformed those pictures of fruits into something that is spectacularly creative. Creative! Maybe he is Creative!

Months rolled by…

Part 5 A Try for Resurrection

The next day we returned back to ‘Pallavonore.’ I understood the situation is getting much worse than ever expected. So I planned to leave ‘Pallavanore.’ I went back home were the situation is much worse. For making a change in the usual unenergetic lazy lifestyle, mom advised me to visit a religious convention programme nearby. There the prayers and chants gave me a proper relaxing feel. But my habits of addiction disturbed me to go for cigarettes. In the second day, while smoking at the nearby store, I get caught by ‘Swamiji’ who conducts the retreat programme. He advised me to come for a counselling. The last day I stood before him, explaining the problems. Controlling myself, overthinking, addiction and sleeplessness were my major subjects when it was made short. He appreciated me for my style of thoughts and control over basic sins. Then he took me to a psychiatrist who is consulting nearby along with the programme. After repeating the whole story again he instructed me to take tablets for sleep and addictions. The other problems can be corrected as a second step. He concluded saying “This is the only way out.” I said bye to ‘Swamiji’ promising him to come the other day. After coming back home I went thoughtful about his decision.

“I’m going to get treated from a psychiatrist. Am I insane? “. I couldn’t control my feeling. I got feared enough form that incident. So finally I decided to make a working plan for myself. I analysed my problems myself and understood, if I could sleep properly half of the problems with me can be avoided. If I took medications, later it feels like an addiction which disturbs me from sleep without medicines. So I should find an alternate plan. If I feel tired then sleeping will be easier. Lazy sitting is preventing me from sleep. I googled about overthinking. The results were sorted to some practically possible points.

- Go indulge in some work.

- Speak less

- Workout

- Concentrate on something new that you don’t know about

I have to go for work. ‘Some hours later I got a call from ‘Varghese’ my batch mate and great friend who welcomed me to Chennai after telling him my decision to work in some company. He was working in some good company there as a trainee with very low salary. There he lived in a very small apartment with unfair facilities adjusting unbelievably. I joined him in the next week itself.

Being there in Chennai was expected to be a better part of life. But along with his friend we started drinking everyday again. Everyday!

In a month time I have applied for a hundred jobs and attended only three of them. The first of its kind in my life! I felt feared again, more than what I was been before. And my view on mighty myself and on my capability diminished. That destroyed my confidence. I became more useless.

The other day while drinking with some new friends, my phone rang. “Hi, Is this Dhyan Raghav?”

“Yeah! Tell me” I replied. “Oi Hai…. Hmm… I’m Reshma Calling from Futurefleas Bangalore… You have applied for a programmer post in our company…. Soo…. Hmmm….. Are you ready to shift from Chennai to Bangalore?”

“Ohh Yes! Well… Why not! If you could offer me a job... So when can I come in there for an interview.”

“Hmm…. Your native is Kerala right?”

“Yes! I’m a Mallu!” I was little afraid. Mallus have such a terrible status in the outside society.

“Soo… You should be having Onam Celebrations next week… Soo you can come one day after that.

Is the Monday after Onam fine for you?”

“Ohh! That’s so kind of you. You can expect me there by morning.” That conversation gave me a kind of confidence to attend the level for this job. A ‘Programmer’ job for a Journalism Graduate.

Her words were unfair and she broke instantly between words. That gave me more confidence to attend that interview. An HR with immature speaking skills sounds suitable for a plan I was looking about. So spending too much of time with the situation analysis and job background; I made a plan. A plan that could help my survival.

As an introduction to the interview, I have planned the questions and answers that could possibly been asked. A thousand questions and a ten thousand variety of answers! Adopted a neat style and purity in facial expression. Started believing like I got the job, so that no other forces could limit me from getting it. Then I thought about what to do with the job I got. There was a need for huge planning in order to make myself alright.

I should start believing ‘I don’t want a psychiatric treatment, I can solve it myself, I will work, I will exercise, I will sleep well, I will minimise my addictions to zero level, I could build myself, I will be alright. There was a proper planning I made after that. I’m going to work for the next four months. Four months are considered as four periods. Each period I want two percent improvement in my performance. The performance is calculated in terms of ten fields. Ten fields which are really tough for me to control in myself. They are

1. Mobile phones – Usage of mobile phones are restricted. My tablet got pit-pocketed while travelling in the public bus last week. I sold out my phone and got a broken one (Basic Phone) for me. By fourth month my avg. calls should get reduced to one.

2. Jogging – Exercises were part of my daily lifestyle once. Now I feel tired to workout. I believe this as the basic reason why fear is regaining power in me. I will get enough sleep if I can run some distance every day. If I can inhale and exhale gently then mind will get fresh and that could restrict overthinking.

3. Online – No Facebook, no WhatsApp, no Twitter, no googling. Internet became an addiction from college days. And the crazy intentions to write stories added more fire into the addiction for googling.

4. Speaking – Controlling my tongue from speaking was one of the tough tasks. I had that kind of a childhood where I saw my dad delivering powerful speeches in the corner road platforms. Sisters were all around me with hundred stories every time. I always had a lot of people to hear my stories. So controlling my tongue is such a difficult task for me.

5. Concentration – Rain is best thing I love in this world. Reason for that is the chillness and clarity it could provide. Rain erases my mind all in whole with its magnetic chanting sound and chillness. Concentration was among one of my long run targets from the half of my teen age. I’m not sure about a change. But let’s hope for the best as always.

6. Sleeping – Long thread of paralysed thoughts that analyses every situation restricted me badly from sleep. Working with something else can divert me from overthinking. So I could sleep better one day. I’m expecting to get better sleep from the first month itself.

7. Avoiding Problems – I loved creating problems and solving problems. Because I believed sad situations can bring happiness and happy situations can bring sad ones either. New place, new to the surroundings and background is better for a new start as a good boy. So there it is possible to stay, as an unknown, silent, foolish kid. I’m an expert in solving problems that could indeed create more complicated ones. I could possibly avoid creating and solving problems for the next four months.

8. Sitting – Resting in somewhere or someplace for more than a while was more than enough to drive me crazy. After the college life, with full on parties and celebrations, fixing my back in someplace for too much time became an impossible task. I do roam from one place to other while I get a small interval of time to relax. My usual routine without any programmes included six walks for tea. I have to correct the problem before anything else so that I could survive in an office.

9. Adjusting – I was so proud about my specialty in inheriting things. I could eat anything, live anywhere and control any stress. But now it is not the situation. Now I do have dos and don’ts list. I love somethings and I hate somethings. I should change it somehow so that I could regain my power back. I can get back with the star of quality.

10. Smoking and tea consumption – Smoking and tea consumption should be controlled. I don’t have an open mind that allows me to plan for quitting smoking and avoiding drinking tea. So the initial plan itself was to reduce the no. of cigarettes and tea per day. Two cigarettes and two tea by the end of this programme.

A week passed slowly in planning for the interview and the ultimate plan for boosting performance. The next week with my friend from ‘Chennai,’ I left for Bangalore. I have my relative friend studying in there who arranged us an apartment for two days to stay. He studies Fashion Designing in Bangalore in the National Institute for FD.

As pre-planned I prepared myself with neat looks and gentle expressions. The office wasn’t that big as I expected. The front office was full of dust and people who works on carpentry was running all over, while I waited for the HR to come. As like every office, watchman is our first target. While building up a conversation with that old man, a guy (Vincent) came out calling my name. He talked to me in English even though, his accent expressed mother tongue influence in the style. The first ‘Mallu’ in the desk; and that was disappointing. There it was congested with fourteen cabins in the bedroom spaced hall. There was some ten employees all over. I didn’t even looked at any of them like a shy guy with gender shyness. They gave me some initial tests for checking my standards in grammar and spelling related matters. The HR came when I completed almost eighty percent of the test. She was huge and bulky like an elephant. She had an over-expressive face and had style of presenting. The one thing I understood was her love for foreign world. Then our conversation exchanged to my platform, where I performed well according to her taste. My sister who is married to a foreigner, the pizzas, my cousin who is a fashion designer student, my love for expresso shots etc. became subjects that attracted her attention. I believe the performance brought me the job within that day itself. But the salary was equal to that of our kitchen-maid. That wasn’t a problem for me either.

She gave me one day time, and I asked for one more day to arrange everything that is going to develop my image with performance. While travelling back to Chennai, we took a long route touching Mysore, Wayanad and Pallavanore. In Wayanad it was my friend’s wedding day; after helping them with the programmes and customs, we went Pallavanore and collected my Tamil friend’s interests for a Tamil outlook. The next day my relative guy gave me the key of his apartment and left for college. It’s a three sharing apartment. I got ready for my first day in office. I’m going to work under someone receiving a salary less than our kitchen maid. I refreshed myself with essential points to be remembered.

[To Be Continued.....]

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