TVLIC

Job in here cast down to be colourless within days. Absence of ‘Jeena’ was making the whole atmosphere lonely for me. I got more of the stuff to handle everyday like training the new entrants, working with my team in programming, extra fill outs and call outs from GM, and debugging submissions. The only thing that felt savouring was, getting placed between two trainee guys as their trainer. The one was a Pentecostal Christian who was an extra fine character with first looks and was graduated from somewhere in States with an experience of three years in web-developing. I was afraid what to and how to tell ‘Sam’ about the procedures. But when I kick off to start, he gave back a supportive matured response and absorbed everything I told for action.

But ‘Dhyan’ the other guy was just the opposite. Not just the opposite, but he was more than that. He was a fresher from some unknown college in ‘Pallavanore,’ near to my Top Ranking College of that city. He haven’t even completed the course. He is here as a trainee with less than the basic salary. More than that he is a moronic lacklustre with careless mind and dumb brain. Ahh... That was relaxing!!

The first day itself, after my lengthy explanation he said ‘he understood everything’ and on the go he came up with doubts. Usually teachers encourage doubts, I think he is over-motivated in this. If disturbing with doubts is an art, he must be a professional among such artists. For example, you are going for a tea in the nearby store and the waiter is asking you about it. “What about the tumbler sir, paper or glass? Do you want it hot or medium? What about the sugar sir? You want it strong or light sir? Sir do you like to opt for any varieties like ginger tea, special tea or green tea? Do you want anything else with it? Sugar?”

How irritated you must be? Training him is like hearing and getting irritated with the condition for nine hours a day. You can calculate it now, my ability of patience.


While this thing was going on in its way, I gave him a program to study and explained him to examine it and explain the same in five minutes. He started scanning it making a sound similar to one that kids make while playing with toy car. It was an application created for ‘Medical Products and Marketing.’ While I turned my head back to system with the relief of a pause from him, he turned back to me and asked in a rush.

“What is this thing Viagra?”

In a second I got confused and words came out without my permission. “What?” The other guy ‘Sam’ heard that. He turned to us. He asked again with a ‘Do I did anything wrong’ expression.

“What is ‘Viagra,’ it’s getting repeated in the text.” I just get stunned without an answer and looked back to the system and observed him still counting on me. The guy other side busted into laughter and managed to say ‘I will tell you later, go on with your work.’

In the other minute, my stunned and excited reaction became text and travelled to ‘Shree’ and ‘Athira’. In the next second, two faces budded up the cabin with a semi-smiling pause looking at me and him frequently. I burnt up with anger and restlessness with a comic unknown signal. That day passed with a load full of teasing targeted towards my situation.

He told me many things without a question. He didn’t pass the exams, he is from a family in a village at Kerala, and he plans to make a duplicate graduation certificate and the plan of making money for that, etc.…

He don’t use his mobile phone much, but occasionally there comes some secret call in which he talk in good western English. He told me he has the problem of overthinking which disturbs a man from sleeping. Overthinking has another name for its mental condition ‘Analysis Paralysis.’ He told me he don’t like sentimental people and he teased Tamil movies for having an over-sentimental hero.

After a week I end up confused about who he must be. That weekend, my mind was full of him, sharing with my friends and thinking about him. During the daily chats with my boyfriend, my tongue tip keep repeating his name ‘Dhyan’ even though I’m afraid to do so. Categorically analysing, he is an unfit with all cases. He is new like fresh and raw. A very different man I have ever seen in my whole life.

He started teasing me and Shree whenever he gets the chance. Athira was the only one who replayed him whenever she gets the chance and he controls it silently. When we girls in gang comes together we arrest him in the cage. I do use the opportunity, performing smart before others.

One thing I noticed about him is that he gets tensed when anyone use the word ‘business.’ Maybe he don’t like business, or maybe he has a story starts from business fall, or maybe he is betrayed from some business, maybe his parents... He is mysterious and I thought the only one who know him is his friend and my other trainee Sam. I started about him with Sam but he don’t know him out of office. They leave together from office, share a tea and snack and drop him somewhere and that’s all he know. My head started thinking a lot. I often felt like I’m overthinking.

He was unexplainable like we couldn’t even figure out whether he is teasing or getting self-teased. Throwing that confusion he neutralize every targeted attack that approaches him. Whatever happens, he gave that foolish, comical dumb expression and in the next minute he switches to cool free man like nothing happened.

I believe he don’t know how to talk with a girl. He talks about the worst stuff degrading himself, never cares about anything that matters us, have a different opposing opinion about love, don’t even have a phone to chat with. Maybe he is a fraud!

 The one thing that fascinated me was his style of adapting me. He eats my styles and phrases to tease me and puts it in, whenever the situation favours. We practiced the phrase of using “seri okay” for confirmation and that was the one he used first to tease me when I gave him instructions. Then he robbed my usages like ‘Ada Kodumi!’, ‘Vinayaka perumalae’ etc.… He was witty with his character and his lips keeps on moving every second of the day. Once he told me that, he keep three rules for himself for his office part. One was formal dressing code, the other was attendance and the third was the unbelievable one; silence. So he came office every day in formal uniform, and he came everyday even if all others planned for some leave together; but being silent was a real challenge for him.

A month passed in the shades, teasing each other and working with his improvement as an employee. He mentioned about my boyfriend throughout the teasing saga when something came wrong from my part. I didn’t want to expose me as a girl with a boyfriend but it happened. That evening we were in a joined massive attack with him. Unusually I supported him in a particular point crossing Athira and Sree saying, ‘my trainee is the best one.’ Soon he responded.

“See, I have my girl there” When he finished with confidence, Shree interrupted loud and fast.     “She have her boy already; who is your girl then?” He lost his face looking down and changed his tune. We burst into laugh with a hi-fi, confirming we scored.

Back in my room, I felt tired and kept thinking about the incident; it was confusing enough to decide whether I scored it bad. ‘She haven’t said that! How can I face him tomorrow?’

       Sleep erased all such thoughts when I woke up the next morning. After some days he asked about him along with some useless murmurs. “Silly guy! He is gonna suffer for sure!” When he murmured in a flow I replied with the flow. “Who?”

“That one; your boyfriend.”

Remembering that incident happened two three days back I replied unending but fast as an answer.

“Who told I have one!” Making the scene little reddish didn’t affect him anyway. Nothing does! He still felt cool and replied. “Ohww… Are you such a waste? You can’t even get a boyfriend in all these years?” He giggled in such a way to make me redder enough.

After a second pause I gave him answer. Slow and silent. “No, I have one. Shut your mouth and do your job.” I thought of winding it up; need some time for thoughts. He has that creepy behaviour of unblushing chase. He came up with the next comment.

“Why can’t that dialogue bring you enough happiness? Are you planning for a breakup?” Sudden but the same silent tune reply appeared little unusual.

“Shut your mouth and do your job” I backstabbed.

He was full of action, giving a bit of extra reaction for everything that required a little bit. He seems to be the mysterious person I ever know. Sometimes he appeared like a terrorist with intentional motives. One day I asked him about that, fitting it in the final part of a teasing strip. But he was cool and replied simply laughing to that. So that was a clarification.

One day I found him talking English in his broken half-working phone, and I’m sure no one was at the other end. So he is simply acting like calling somebody. He is not that well in English while attending office calls and while replying mails. Then why he do all this? Whatever, he is a very good actor bewitching us with tricks.

He said he don’t have much friends. He talks like an alien, with unacceptable rules and ideas that our modern world feels difficult to digest. I spent a lot of time rolling through his Facebook page, and found everything normal. He has a collection of handsome clicks which are well edited and maintained. There I saw a lot of his friends hanging around him and many photographs that explains his friendships. Liar! Maybe he is a liar!

I thought he can’t even connect with girls; because he had an unusual style of irritating commentary. But there was a lot of girls in photographs posing by his side. So maybe he is good person whom we can trust.

As time passed he started opposing ‘Love.’ His concepts were against the love and relations that’s happening through social media. He believes they will not sustain till end. Explaining concepts about each and everything. Even though his advises helped me with many problems that took place, I hate the philosophy in each and everything.

One day when I was returning to the table after lunch he was drawing something in the old table calendar that was thrown in the corner. When I asked to show it; after his usual hesitation style, he gave it to me. I was stunned after looking at it. He have transformed those pictures of fruits into something that is spectacularly creative. Creative! Maybe he is Creative!

Months rolled by…

The next day we returned back to ‘Pallavonore.’ I understood the situation is getting much worse than ever expected. So I planned to leave ‘Pallavanore.’ I went back home were the situation is much worse. For making a change in the usual unenergetic lazy lifestyle, mom advised me to visit a religious convention programme nearby. There the prayers and chants gave me a proper relaxing feel. But my habits of addiction disturbed me to go for cigarettes. In the second day, while smoking at the nearby store, I get caught by ‘Swamiji’ who conducts the retreat programme. He advised me to come for a counselling. The last day I stood before him, explaining the problems. Controlling myself, overthinking, addiction and sleeplessness were my major subjects when it was made short. He appreciated me for my style of thoughts and control over basic sins. Then he took me to a psychiatrist who is consulting nearby along with the programme. After repeating the whole story again he instructed me to take tablets for sleep and addictions. The other problems can be corrected as a second step. He concluded saying “This is the only way out.” I said bye to ‘Swamiji’ promising him to come the other day. After coming back home I went thoughtful about his decision.

“I’m going to get treated from a psychiatrist. Am I insane?  “. I couldn’t control my feeling. I got feared enough form that incident. So finally I decided to make a working plan for myself. I analysed my problems myself and understood, if I could sleep properly half of the problems with me can be avoided. If I took medications, later it feels like an addiction which disturbs me from sleep without medicines. So I should find an alternate plan. If I feel tired then sleeping will be easier. Lazy sitting is preventing me from sleep. I googled about overthinking. The results were sorted to some practically possible points.

I have to go for work. ‘Some hours later I got a call from ‘Varghese’ my batch mate and great friend who welcomed me to Chennai after telling him my decision to work in some company. He was working in some good company there as a trainee with very low salary. There he lived in a very small apartment with unfair facilities adjusting unbelievably. I joined him in the next week itself.

Being there in Chennai was expected to be a better part of life. But along with his friend we started drinking everyday again. Everyday!

In a month time I have applied for a hundred jobs and attended only three of them. The first of its kind in my life! I felt feared again, more than what I was been before. And my view on mighty myself and on my capability diminished. That destroyed my confidence. I became more useless.

The other day while drinking with some new friends, my phone rang. “Hi, Is this Dhyan Raghav?”   

“Yeah! Tell me” I replied. “Oi Hai…. Hmm… I’m Reshma Calling from Futurefleas Bangalore… You have applied for a programmer post in our company…. Soo…. Hmmm…..  Are you ready to shift from Chennai to Bangalore?”

“Ohh Yes! Well… Why not! If you could offer me a job...  So when can I come in there for an interview.”

“Hmm…. Your native is Kerala right?”

“Yes! I’m a Mallu!”   I was little afraid. Mallus have such a terrible status in the outside society.

“Soo… You should be having Onam Celebrations next week… Soo you can come one day after that.

Is the Monday after Onam fine for you?”

“Ohh! That’s so kind of you. You can expect me there by morning.” That conversation gave me a kind of confidence to attend the level for this job. A ‘Programmer’ job for a Journalism Graduate.

Her words were unfair and she broke instantly between words. That gave me more confidence to attend that interview. An HR with immature speaking skills sounds suitable for a plan I was looking about. So spending too much of time with the situation analysis and job background; I made a plan. A plan that could help my survival.

As an introduction to the interview, I have planned the questions and answers that could possibly been asked. A thousand questions and a ten thousand variety of answers! Adopted a neat style and purity in facial expression. Started believing like I got the job, so that no other forces could limit me from getting it. Then I thought about what to do with the job I got. There was a need for huge planning in order to make myself alright.

I should start believing ‘I don’t want a psychiatric treatment, I can solve it myself, I will work, I will exercise, I will sleep well, I will minimise my addictions to zero level, I could build myself, I will be alright. There was a proper planning I made after that. I’m going to work for the next four months. Four months are considered as four periods. Each period I want two percent improvement in my performance. The performance is calculated in terms of ten fields. Ten fields which are really tough for me to control in myself. They are

1. Mobile phones – Usage of mobile phones are restricted. My tablet got pit-pocketed while travelling in the public bus last week. I sold out my phone and got a broken one (Basic Phone) for me. By fourth month my avg. calls should get reduced to one.

2. Jogging – Exercises were part of my daily lifestyle once. Now I feel tired to workout. I believe this as the basic reason why fear is regaining power in me. I will get enough sleep if I can run some distance every day. If I can inhale and exhale gently then mind will get fresh and that could restrict overthinking.

3. Online – No Facebook, no WhatsApp, no Twitter, no googling. Internet became an addiction from college days. And the crazy intentions to write stories added more fire into the addiction for googling.

4. Speaking – Controlling my tongue from speaking was one of the tough tasks. I had that kind of a childhood where I saw my dad delivering powerful speeches in the corner road platforms. Sisters were all around me with hundred stories every time. I always had a lot of people to hear my stories. So controlling my tongue is such a difficult task for me.

5. Concentration – Rain is best thing I love in this world. Reason for that is the chillness and clarity it could provide. Rain erases my mind all in whole with its magnetic chanting sound and chillness. Concentration was among one of my long run targets from the half of my teen age. I’m not sure about a change. But let’s hope for the best as always. 

6. Sleeping – Long thread of paralysed thoughts that analyses every situation restricted me badly from sleep. Working with something else can divert me from overthinking. So I could sleep better one day. I’m expecting to get better sleep from the first month itself. 

7. Avoiding Problems – I loved creating problems and solving problems. Because I believed sad situations can bring happiness and happy situations can bring sad ones either. New place, new to the surroundings and background is better for a new start as a good boy. So there it is possible to stay, as an unknown, silent, foolish kid. I’m an expert in solving problems that could indeed create more complicated ones. I could possibly avoid creating and solving problems for the next four months.
  

8. Sitting – Resting in somewhere or someplace for more than a while was more than enough to drive me crazy. After the college life, with full on parties and celebrations, fixing my back in someplace for too much time became an impossible task. I do roam from one place to other while I get a small interval of time to relax. My usual routine without any programmes included six walks for tea. I have to correct the problem before anything else so that I could survive in an office.

9. Adjusting – I was so proud about my specialty in inheriting things. I could eat anything, live anywhere and control any stress. But now it is not the situation. Now I do have dos and don’ts list. I love somethings and I hate somethings. I should change it somehow so that I could regain my power back. I can get back with the star of quality.

10. Smoking and tea consumption – Smoking and tea consumption should be controlled. I don’t have an open mind that allows me to plan for quitting smoking and avoiding drinking tea. So the initial plan itself was to reduce the no. of cigarettes and tea per day. Two cigarettes and two tea by the end of this programme.

A week passed slowly in planning for the interview and the ultimate plan for boosting performance. The next week with my friend from ‘Chennai,’ I left for Bangalore. I have my relative friend studying in there who arranged us an apartment for two days to stay. He studies Fashion Designing in Bangalore in the National Institute for FD.

As pre-planned I prepared myself with neat looks and gentle expressions. The office wasn’t that big as I expected. The front office was full of dust and people who works on carpentry was running all over, while I waited for the HR to come. As like every office, watchman is our first target. While building up a conversation with that old man, a guy (Vincent) came out calling my name. He talked to me in English even though, his accent expressed mother tongue influence in the style. The first ‘Mallu’ in the desk; and that was disappointing. There it was congested with fourteen cabins in the bedroom spaced hall. There was some ten employees all over. I didn’t even looked at any of them like a shy guy with gender shyness.  They gave me some initial tests for checking my standards in grammar and spelling related matters. The HR came when I completed almost eighty percent of the test. She was huge and bulky like an elephant. She had an over-expressive face and had style of presenting. The one thing I understood was her love for foreign world. Then our conversation exchanged to my platform, where I performed well according to her taste. My sister who is married to a foreigner, the pizzas, my cousin who is a fashion designer student, my love for expresso shots etc. became subjects that attracted her attention. I believe the performance brought me the job within that day itself. But the salary was equal to that of our kitchen-maid. That wasn’t a problem for me either.

She gave me one day time, and I asked for one more day to arrange everything that is going to develop my image with performance. While travelling back to Chennai, we took a long route touching Mysore, Wayanad and Pallavanore. In Wayanad it was my friend’s wedding day; after helping them with the programmes and customs, we went Pallavanore and collected my Tamil friend’s interests for a Tamil outlook. The next day my relative guy gave me the key of his apartment and left for college. It’s a three sharing apartment. I got ready for my first day in office. I’m going to work under someone receiving a salary less than our kitchen maid. I refreshed myself with essential points to be remembered.